Another year older

*sigh* Yet another birthday. How did 36 years pass so quickly and another come up even faster. 37....who'd have thought? Do I get to stop aging now? yeah...right.

Gonna go out with the girls tonight to celebrate. Miss you all. Happy holidays.

holiday strife

I NEED A FREAKIN' VACATION!!!! *sigh* I just thought I'd get that out in the open before I burst! It's been a very trying holiday season. I've been having issues with my car (it's in the shop for the third time in three months), work is too damn busy, and home is very trying. There just isn't enough breathing time as of late. The family has been going to the gym at least three times a week, so that part is good, but we're being faced with a really big change. Juan's facing a layoff at the end of January. He has something that he's been working on within the same company, but we haven't heard anything definite yet. No time is ever a good time for a layoff, but damn, why, of all times, NOW?! I have to look into getting insurance with my job. That's going to totally eat up my paycheck, but at least we'll be covered in case someone gets sick. This bites.

I suppose if I'd already gotten my raise and it was substantial enough, then I wouldn't bother with it so much, but I haven't so, I will. Grr...such is human nature. I just have to remember to slow down a bit and say just a few more prayers. Anybody care to join me? AND, I have writers block AGAIN, DAMNIT!! I do NOT enjoy this mental overload, I must say. It's so unbecoming and I can feel the gray hair sprouting. ugh...let's just add vanity to it all, shall we?! At least the kids are being understanding. They all know how tough it's been lately. We have good kids and I am very much blessed by that. I know that this post was mostly pissy, but I also know that there are others not so fortunate out there. My heart and my love and prayers go out to them. This time in particular is one of the times I wish I had an unlimited amount of income so that I could share it with all those that I love. The cash, I don't have, but the sentiment I do. To my readers, all 4 of them, (lol) thank you for your friendship, may you have a holiday filled with blessings and love. And, THAT is how I'm going to end this post!

Fucked-up kind of wonderful

Fucked-up kind of wonderful

put down your weapon
my transient incidental
and look at me for once
the knife is in your hand-
I didn't see it

I think I'm dying

You took from me
the everything I gave...
my love, my soul

we were a beautiful mistake,
I guess that's all

But I keep looking
out this window

staring

at the trees that move
within the breeze
that's you

a stain, a scar
a beautiful tattoo
a fucked-up
kind of wonderful

that's me and you

our story's still being written
with pen that bleeds deceit
and it will run
until it's dry

and I become the beautiful,
fucked-up liar
that you are

Un-make me/revised

simple
like a blend of tea and honey
stir me

whisk in memories
of laughter
sorrow
and light

and I'll cower
behind these eyes
and all too ready
smile

like yesterday
a dry, cold wind
of mixed emotions
molded

by the sound
of your voice
and your touch
now,

I beg you,
un-make me
with your hands

Spoken Funk...cross post from myspace

Spoken Funk 11/26/06-with continuation
Current mood: chipper

What an ADVENTURE!! Trying to get to Miyagi's last night was insane. The Hollywood xmas parade threw the traffic on Sunset into a tizzy!! Timmi and I were worried that we'd be super late, so I called Juren and she was stuck in the same traffic! Geez. It was nuts. Not to mention neither one of us knew where the hell we were going!! We, well, I, must have made the valet in front of Miyagi's dizzy with the amount of illegal u-turns I made trying to get to the parking area. Timmi and I were rolling! It was like high school all over again! hee-hee.

We finally got to Miyagi's around 15 minutes to 7 and a few folks were already there for the promotional shoot. Music was playing and the scene was set! Lisa was wonderful. I'd almost forgotten the insanity behind the scenes, but it was exhilirating to say the least! The lights were set up and off to the red room everyone went!

The first set up was a group of folks with the wining and dining scene. Sexy-cool shots, if you ask me!! Woot! Next came all the women for a "girls night out". That was crazy! About 7 or 8 of us piled on top of or around this great red velvet couch...(hmm...reminded me of something...sorry went on a tangent!) and it was just plain funny. We had to "pretend" conversation, but, truth be told, we all hit it off wonderfully, so we really were conversing. I wish I would have had the foresite to ask for peoples numbers

The third set of shots were hilarious. It was the co-mingling of guys and girls. EVERYBODY piled onto the couch! It was a crush of people. Oh, and by the way, can I just say that those lights were blinding AND FREAKING HOT!! LOL omg...it made for so much silliness. We were all plastered to each other! Oh, the madness!
Then came the last set. Um, I did mention things being hot, right?! Yikes! This set was for the couples. (Timmi had so much fun teasing me about this one!!) I got to put my acting skills to use. The first two couples were absolutely adorable. I believe it was Shawn and Monique that got their photos taken first...so cute. They hit it off. Mm-hmm Then there was our actual couple(one of the open mic artists and her hubby). Talk about some steamy shots! THEY were a tough act to follow. omg...so Darnel, the gentleman I was paired up with for the shoot, was like, let's practice "looking into each other's eyes". I just started busting up. I couldn't look him in the eyes!! lmao. Freakin' Timmi noticed this fact and had the nerve to point out that I was BLUSHING!! ME!! I NEVER BLUSH! I said the lights were HOT!! So, our turn came next and Juren, the little minx, had me sit ON HIS LAP!! It was really hard to keep a straight face. We were supposed to make our shots look like "soap opera" scenes....um, okay! Let's just say, there should be some good shots from that one!All in all, it was hilarious and a good experience. He's a really nice guy.

More later...the evening to be continued.

continuation 11/29/06.....sorry I took so long...full day of overtime this week

Woops! I missed the bar scene...yeah we took photos there too. Those were fun. There was one set where a guy was trying to give his phone to another guys girl...mm-hmm... lol too funny! And the others were just a bunch of candid's a group of friends and the general "bar" scene.

Talk about a flurry of activity! 7:30 came and it was time for the show. Everyone grabbed their respective tables. There was no bad seat in the house. We were all STARVING and I must say the food was marvelous!! Drinks weren't bad either

Juren and Poetri are the best hosts! This show was just LIVE!! The DJ was jumpin', Poetri is a grand MC! He is amazing a so talented. I was moved in so many ways. The open mic was just so.....damn....for a writer, I'm having difficulty finding the words. I suppose I can only speak for myself. I was touched by the talent joined together in that room. I laughed, was moved to silence from the depths of my soul, tears threatened like rain at one point and then I laughed some more. In a word...inspired. Yes, I was inspired. Since that evening so many, many things have been spriraling around my head-some lyrical, others melancholy, but they are there screaming to be heard. Perhaps, I shall be brave enough to venture on that stage as a poet on the open mic... That is a challenge and a promise to myself...

Oh! I forgot to mention the games. The entire crowd gets in on the act. Hmm...they did rock, paper,scissors; the question game, a scavenger hunt and, omg...I can't remember...with cash giveaways. THAT in itself was hilarious!! Timmi joined in on the fun. hee-hee...the stage called to her!

At the end of the eve, with happy bellies and hearts contented with the art of words and laughter, it was time to head home. Juren and Poetri, along with a few stragglers were on the stage doing a few last promotional shots. Somehow, Timmi and I ended up on the stage AGAIN for more shots in front of the logo. lol...With those done, we walked off the stage, gave Poetri and Juren hugs and a final thank you along with a promise to come back again. Such kinds souls. We will definitely be going again.

*wink*

No comments: Thursday, November 23, 2006 expletive "from dictonary.com ex?ple?tive [ek-spli-tiv] –noun 1.an interjectory word or expression, frequently profane; an exclamatory oath. 2.a syllable, word, or phrase serving to fill out. 3.Grammar. a word considered as regularly filling the syntactic position of another, as it in It is his duty to go, or there in There is nothing here. " ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sometimes, there is no other way how to fully describe how you feel without using one of these words. On this day, I am focusing on the positive and right that is in the world and I am daunted and absolutely disappointed in the negative attitudes I've seen from people who have so much to give to the world if they'd just get their heads out of their asses. This is for you... SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT. THE WORLD IS FULL OF GOOD AND RIGHT, SO GET ON THE BAND WAGON. YOUR LIFE IS SHIT BECAUSE YOU GIVE NOTHING BUT SHIT TO THE WORLD. IT'S CALLED KARMA. WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND. SO QUIT FUCKIN' WHINING ABOUT HOW MUCH YOUR LIFE SUCKS AND YOU CAN'T GET A BREAK. DO THE RIGHT FUCKING THING BY EVERYONE, STARTING WITH YOURSELF, AND THE REST WILL FOLLOW. THE WORLD OWES YOU NOTHING, GOD OWES YOU NOTHING. WE ARE ALL PLACED ON THIS EARTH TO GIVE OF OURSELVES, YOU DUMB-ASS. GET A FREAKIN' CLUE THAT EVERY DAY YOU LIVE, YOU ARE GIFTED WITH TIME. THROW IT AWAY BY DOING TIME, CRIME, WRONG, PISSIN' AROUND, TAKING SHIT THAT ISN'T YOURS, MAKING PROMISES THEN BREAKING THEM, AND GUESS WHAT, YOU'RE SCREWIN' YOURSELF. AND, WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, BE THANKFUL THAT YOU HAVE SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE WHO GIVES ENOUGH OF A FLYING FUCK TO SAY SO. IF THIS HIT ANYONE AT ALL CLOSE TO HOME, THIS IS FOR YOU. Oh, and guess, what? Even though this post sounded pissy, it has the greatest of intentions behind it. I am tested everyday, but sadly, and perhaps thankfully, it is out of the love that I hold for all that I know. There are and have been so many wrongs that have happened the past year. Let's not compile and complicate them. Let us all become the greatest warriors the world has seen. I am a carrier of light and I will bring you forward out of the darkness. Shadows only hide luminessence for a short time before it runs away to another side of the world. I am thankful for all of you and this gift. Today, the greatest expletive I have is......LOVE Wednesday, November 22, 2006 Wishing everyone a VERY, VERY HAPPY THANKSGIVING. Blessings to everyone! Love you guys. Thursday, November 16, 2006 Breathe/revised When I posted the last poem I was in a rush. I had to make sure I jotted it down or else I was afraid to lose it. This version has a few changes, but it totally gives the sense of what I was trying to write in the first place. It sucks what a headache can do to your creativity. I'm just glad it's gone and the beauty of it all is that I was able to replace it with this! I'm so glad I'm writing again. I've been so stressed as of late. Lots of change afoot. Anyway, here's the revised piece... Breathe/revised 11/16/06 tip-tap-tap-flutter-flutter my heart has wings... hold in the kiss you left me take in the hurt you kept behind seal up all the memories that blind stitch up the wound with time it's just a song it's just a song I hear Oh, God, it's so loud I've loved you for so long been so long, I can't remember but I know it happened in November tip-tap-tap-flutter-flutter it's just a song it's just a goddamn song I hear Why can't I breathe? Breathe tip-tap-tap-flutter-flutter my heart has wings... hold in the last kiss you left me take in the hurt that you kept behind seal up all the memories that blind me stitch up the wound with time it's just a song it's just a song I hear Oh, God, it's so damn loud I've loved you for so long been so long, I can't remember so long ago one sad September tip-tap-tap-flutter-flutter it's just a song it's just a song I hear Why can't I breathe? bleh... bleh... "ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh I'm missin' you.. tell me where the road turns...."Diana Ross... okay, so I never made it back the other day to finish what I was writing. Still feeling really yucky. I can't seem to shake this thing that has a hold on my throat, literally. I'm still all froggish sounding and I haven't slept soundly at all in days. Oh, I know, I'm an insomniac, but I haven't been staying up late. I've actually been sleeping, but I've been waking up several times during the night with a horrible headache or just coughing coz my throat bugs. I've been the walking dead and I still go into work feeling like this. I have no choice. I'm training two new people and it's tough. I wish I could split myself into three so I can do what regularly needs to be done as well as the training. See, if there were three of me, one could work, one could rest and the other could go on vacation. We still share the same thoughts and we could rotate! How nice would that be?! *sigh* I've been taking this long walk down memory lane and it's been such a strange and winding road. I'm browsing classmates.com right now sending messages to some long lost friends. It's weird how much time has disappeared. I don't feel 18 years older, that's for sure! So, maybe my body tells me I am, somtimes, but I'd rather be in denial! I gotta take Mikey to the DMV today for his written test. I think he'll do great. He just doesn't like to study, but when it's something he really wants, like driving, he'll make it happen. Speaking of which. I better get. He has an appointment and I don't feel so good, so I'm gonna take some meds. Catch you all later. Friday, November 03, 2006 is this true? hmm...you be the judge Your Seduction Style: Au Natural You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it. That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power! The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism. You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world. Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in. You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you? You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways. Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you. As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you. What Kind of Seducer Are You? More insanity! Work and play....what can I say?! Halloween...it's not just for kids! Check out our crazy asses!! The party was fun! Thursday, November 02, 2006 insomnia can't seem to shut my eyes. my mind has been racing in about a thousand different directions and has gotten lost. i'm so freakin' tired...both physically and emotionally. i don't like rollercoaster rides. can I PLEASE get off?!! Why is it the strongest feelings of overwhelmed and depressed or sad make poetry flow? Mayhap it's the extreme emotion filtering through me at the moment? *sigh* the moon isn't even full yet and i'm already reacting. this one is pulling me in all strange kind of ways. i don't like it....i'm tired and feeling very irritable. gonna crawl under the covers now. sleep...blanket me with rest, please. Wednesday, November 01, 2006 Within She's been calling again-the moon and I cannot hide for every time I close my eyes I see her She laughs at my aversion knowing fully what lies in my mind and in my heart In the midst of dreams she's watching as the clocks tune turning circles in my head you were in my bed my hands are clenched holding onto...what? But, only she knows what dreams are trapped within my pillow Monday, October 30, 2006 PARTY RULES! 80'S STYLE RULE # 1-YOU CAN'T TALK ABOUT ANYTHING UNLESS IT HAS TO DO WITH THE 80'S. IF YOU DO, YOU GET SMACKED. (THAT SOMEHOW GOT CHANGED TO TAKING A SHOT LATER IN THE EVE, BUT EVERYONE WAS PRETTY WASTED AND DIDN'T NOTICE!) RULE # 2-YOU MUST CALL A "TIME OUT" IF YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN THE 80'S OR ELSE YOU TAKE A SHOT! RULE #3 (thanks Myra!)-DRINK!! DRANK!! DRUNK!! RULE #4-DON'T TALK ABOUT WORK OR ELSE YOU TAKE A SHOT! RULE #5-LOSE YOUR CUP, TAKE A SHOT! I'm sure there was another rule somewhere along the line, but, for the life of me, I can't remember! I just have to say that people were a little wasted! We had sangria, tequila, bombay, jim, ballatore and some other miscellaneous guests in the house and they got LOUD AND ROWDY!! Hmm...let's see....there was a fall-turtle-style(with only a vague recollection of it the next morning! lol) A few people blew chunks! I was excluded, THANK GOODNESS!! 80's music filled the night air till after midnight and thankfully no cops came knocking on the door. I couldn't even keep up with the amount of shots that were doled out the very first hour and that's after we had already had a drink!! All I can say is I'm so glad we didn't have any vodka!! I was spared the chunkage this time. Tequila is my friend...lol...don't trip, but this is my drink count. I remember, so I wasn't that bad.... 2 glasses of sangria, four shots of tequila, a shot of cinnamon schnapps (totally gross!) My brother in law caught me off guard and handed me the shot. It looked like the silver that we were drinkin' (duh)! Bleck! The after taste hit me like a brick! omg...*shiver*...a couple of bear(oops, I mean beer...still drunk?lol) shots (coz Robert was wasted) and a glass of spumante afterwards. hee-hee...and I wore heals all night!! I surprise even myself sometimes! I'll post pics later, I promise! Sunday, October 29, 2006 Connections connections Current mood: empathic A crosspost from myspace. there is a bond that none can undo it holds tight-a shackle you've been in my circle again a tip-toeing that I felt as the wind swept by It is you... a rustle and crack behind my kitchen wall shows me where you'd been dancing on my shadow once again.... Thursday, October 26, 2006 shadowed there are stars out they blind me like the setting sun releasing tears so long withheld they burn yet I continue to stare I see your eyes there in the eastern horizon where heaven meets earth and light and dark collide the shadows speak, you know when I sleep, they enter the room and my world spins slowly out of control Wednesday, October 25, 2006 blather wind sings cold gold dust shimmers light flickers and memories flash sleep calls mind won't answer- nothing but a sing-song sadness pays attention I'm tired of this motherf**cking empty next to nothing bit of darkness that clings can't hold the past but the damn thing won't let go our hands are tied and the humming of electric current laughs in earnest mockery proud mama CHECK OUT MY BOY! This is John, my oldest. He's fulfilling his dream! Wish I could fly like he can.... Monday, October 23, 2006 prepare the wind whispers through the trees gently carrying fall leaves to the ground it's cooler now slower, preparing for rest the earth shall sleep for a season- winter and awaken amidst the call for rebirth and a better day..... ~Mary Sunday, October 22, 2006 the absence of want It's not the absence of want that has kept me from writing. I, like Erin, have not had much to say. It seems that many that I know and care deeply for are in the same kind of mental and emotional funk that I am in. There are a million different things that I could or SHOULD be doing, but, for lack of a better excuse, I just can't seem to find the energy. It's actually a bit of a major letdown for me. I've been trying to be so diligent when it comes to writing/creating, but I've not been successful as of late. Perhaps when the dam decides to break once more there will be another flurry of creative energy towards the NEED to create. Ugh...I just don't know. I've been down in the dumps lately and nothing seems to be able to pull me out of it. *sigh* Next Saturday we're going to have a costume party 80's style. You know, the big hair, lots of make-up and shoulder pads the size of football gear and all is going to happen. I'm hoping that focusing on this little project will get me into a better mood. I promise to post pics of the insanity afterwards....I wonder what people are going to wear? This should be great!! Now....to focus on some sleep...love you guys! Thursday, October 05, 2006 because I can't I tried to turn my mind off early, but, as you can see, I'm posting this at almost 1:00 a.m. I'm so tired...so tired...I don't know how much more of this my body or my mind can take. I just want to be alone....alone to silence my thoughts....to try to let go, no BREAK these chains that I am shackled to. It's so hard to be where I am right now. I try to be the happy-happy person...the love all, be all that I once was, but something happened to that person years ago. I'm okay when the sun is out and there's a constant hum of activity to busy the mind, but lately....lately, when the shadows shroud my face, the tears flow freely, silently and there is no hand that will wipe it away other than mine...he'll never see them even as he lies quietly sleeping beside me, I'll never let him know that I still cry...that I'm still broken...that I don't know if I can heal to be the perfect mate that I used to be...tried to be, because....I can't. It hurts because my ability to open up is becoming more and more narrow and he's trying so hard to win me back....to recapture what we were...to be young with me again. But...I don't know how...I don't know if I can and it's getting us nowhere....nowhere...Can I please be nowhere for just a while? Just so I can get grounded again and I can sleep without tears soaking my pillow case...... Wednesday, October 04, 2006 Beautiful Nightmare/revised jealousy comes in many colors wearing masks full of promise and smiles from lips that lie I've seen it, felt it, loved it, bled from it find comfort in it my beautiful nightmare a tragic truth so undeniably me *Thanks, E! I just needed a kick in the arse. It's amazing what what three small words can do, eh? buzz.... I'm restless. My mind is a jumbled mess of I-don't-know's, wish-it-was, and not-even-if-I-tried kind of thinking. So much going on and simply not enough at all. I took something for my allergies and you'd think I'd be sleepy, but even benadryl doesn't do JACK for me anymore. At this moment...at this precise moment....I wish I was somewhere warm, (a beach in ANYWHERE sounds nice)my toes digging in the moist, soft sand, a cool breeze gently mussing my hair staring, no, memorizing all the pits and contours of the moon just off in the distance....oh, please....anywhere other than inside my head! I think I could let go there, where no one knows me...just me, the sand, wind, crashing waves, the moonlit sky and my pen and paper. I could write a thousand poems or none at all and be.....be....well, BE and like it! I'd be content just to sit upon the sand, knees to chin, arms wrapped around my legs like a little kid, just listening to the many tiny voices of the night...of the world....of my heart. Tears could mingle with the salt in the sand and it would be alright because I was there in the moonlight, the night sky raining down its shadows upon me and I would be...alright...I would love and feel the infinite that is love. I could let go and "be". Beautiful Nightmare jealousy comes in many colors wearing masks full of promise and smiles from lips that lie I've seen it, felt it, loved it, bled from it find comfort in it my beautiful nightmare tragic truth undeniable Thursday, September 28, 2006 In These Eyes Perfect You were, to me, so perfect Even in your woeful ways, so perfect, in the eyes of this beholder Simple Every little thing so simple In this love, so rare, so simple in the eyes of this beholder Little did I know it was a lie Everything inside me was so twisted every little bit of you, so blurry within the eyes of this beholder You were the one- I was for you Above, below so simply perfect in the eyes of this beholder- in these eyes of mine Wednesday, September 27, 2006 PRAYERS PLEASE My sister-in-law, Kim, has had another stroke. This is mild in comparison to the one that almost took her from us, but it's a stroke just the same. Please send positive thoughts and prayers to her and her family. My nephews and niece need their mommy. Thank you all. DON'T EVER DO THIS Okay...for those of you who don't have children yet, listen carefully, coz if I ever find out you let this happen, I'll have to kick your ass myself!! Round 1 I had this woman, and I use the term loosely, come into my department looking for a frame. She came in with her daughter who couldn't have been older than 18 months, a toddler for cryin' out loud! Anyway, she's asking me all these questions about a frame which I don't have and in the meanwhile, she puts this toddler down and proceeds to turn her back on her while speaking to me! OMG!! First of all, you don't put a toddler down in a frame department (OR anywhere else unattended point of fact!). HELLO...LOTS OF GLASS AND FRAMED ARTWORK ON EASELS!! The baby's running around, mom doesn't know what the baby is getting into and I'M freaking out because I CAN'T SEE THE BABY and said woman is completely oblivious to the fact that her daughter is launching herself against these 24X36" frames and the only thing that's separating her little body from a lite of glass is a piece of CELLOPHANE!!! GEEZ!! So, what does this woman reprimand the little one about? Playing with my chime because it was making noise. LET HER PLAY WITH THE FREAKING CHIME!! AT LEAST YOU KNOW WHERE SHE IS. THE CHIMES ARE SAFE COMPARED TO THE FRAMES! That was the first time she paid any attention to her after she'd put the baby down and I'd already been talking to woman for more than five minutes! A freaking child could drown in less than that! GRR.....Anyway, she decides to go out to her car to bring the photo to see if any other frame, other than the options I gave her, would work. Round 2 Said "woman" comes back in with rolled photo and toddler again. Proceeds to put the baby down AGAIN to see if other frame would work and all I could think about was WHY DOES SHE HAVE HER BACK TURNED TO THIS BABY?! SHE'S GOING TO GET HURT! Even before I could complete the thought of "She's going to drop something on herself" and TELL THIS BITCH TO GRAB HER KID the baby throws herself against an easel and the framed piece of art falls forward, the glass breaks on the baby's head and pins her under it. That's when "mom" finally turns around to pick up her daughter to check if she's okay. SHE'S SO EFFIN' LUCKY THE GLASS DIDN'T SHATTER! Oh! And the kicker...she was pissed 'cause her daughter had a shard of glass stuck in her hairline that she couldn't get out! NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF SHE WAS TAKING CARE OF HER KID LIKE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! AAAARRRRGGGHH!!! It's not my job to babysit and to teach parenting! SHE HAS NO COMMON SENSE!! She knew she was wrong. Her stupid ass when straight to the front door...didn't even bother filing an accident report 'cause she knew it was HER fault and we would've reported her to child services. OMG! I was pissed for hours. It's a good thing Teresa came to the back right after it happened. She saw the whole thing. IF she hadn't come back there, I'd have cussed that woman out and that would've been the end of my job. GEEZ!! PEOPLE, GET A FREAKING CLUE! UGH! And all this in the span of two minutes after she came back into the store and put her daughter down. Man...my kids never pulled anything on top of themselves or knocked anything on the floor or broke anything. I never LOST any of them either because I kept them close and where I could see them for their safety and well being and my sanity! I just don't understand people *sigh* Sorry...thanks for letting me rant. Tuesday, September 26, 2006 outta control Chaos ran in circles as the platypus played in churning waters I was lost in thought again until I heard the angels speak Morpheus was dreaming He forgot to send me mine I haven't slept much in forever- too much pitter-patter on the brain like ink dripping from the nib of a pen inclinations splattered across the wide screen "de mi mente" there's fog covering the sunrise and curtains refuse to open Perhaps that is why I can't see Refusal, plain and simple And all I need... a phone call from a long lost muse and a shot of tequila to chase it down Wednesday, September 20, 2006 sometimes.... Okay, so you all know that I've been writing for quite a long time, thanks to the coaxing of some very supportive friends. I've been working on several things at once because I can't seem to get focused on just ONE thing, even though that would be the best, probably the easiest and most logical thing for me, right? Pishh...who said I was easy?! lol...Yeah. Yeah....I'm a goober too, but you like me anyway. So I pulled out some of my old notebooks from, like, three years ago and read over some of my stuff. OMG...I was surprised. The questions, like "did I really write this? This is so good!" and "WHY the hell didn't I finish this?" came to mind WAAAYY too many times. So, granted they all seemed a bit on the mushy side (I'm a sap and a hopeless romantic), to me anyway, and on the flipside, a tragic love story, but they moved and I didn't want to stop reading. I wanted to find out what happened next! So, the little scene and dialogue that's next is what came to mind. So strange...my OWN writing and a small phone message inspired this. Anyway, it's an imagined conversation between two characters.... It had been months since they'd last spoken. It was a nice meeting, lots of laughter and longing, but the reunion was shortlived and the happiness a calm, for turmoil was to come. She had been in love with him so long. She couldn't even remember the last time she took a breath and didn't think of him. To this day she knows when he's been in her circle. She knew why he did it. She was too needy, too ready to show how much she loved him and he was scared. Scared that he'd never be able to let her go. He'd never admit to anyone that he'd fallen so in love that it hurt to be without her, not to touch her, not to kiss her, not to make love to her. He was weak and he knew it. They both knew it. So, he did what he thought he had to do to chase her away. He had to do it. He had to break her spirit, so they could both let go. "I don't love you, I love her." Those were the words she heard over and over again along with others she couldn't even bear to hear in her own mind. All she ever did was love him...still love him The ringing of the phone shook her from her dark thoughts. She answered without giving it a second thought as to whom might be calling. It was him. Hello? ~Yo, it's me. She was in shock. It had to be that because she couldn't possibly be hearing the voice that has haunted her in both the sleeping and the waking hours. Yes? ~Yeah, well, I'm here and I....I just...I don't know.... I do. You wanted to apologize for hurting me the way you did and you didn't know what else to do because you felt that I was holding you back somehow. Is that it? ~Yes and no, I mean...the apology...Um...I had to do it. I was afraid I'd lose my little girl....that I'd She interrupts him tersely I understand why you did it. You would have been caught in a lie that would have blown up in your face and the only thing to do was get rid of the evidence! ("Oh, God. Don't!" She screamed at herself) She starts again, trying to control her hysteria. No! Please...don't hang up. I somehow knew you were close. I'd been thinking about you for days and I...I wanted to tell you that, I do understand. I'd told you before that you could tell me anything and you still can. I thought you knew that. I...I just want you to be honest with me. I swear I'll fade to black if that's what you really want. I swear. Just...don't disappear like that. Her shoulders slumped in defeat. Her hand ached from gripping the receiver so tightly. She'd never felt so helpless...so useless. It was her fault. She gave and he took it all without a second thought. But, if she had to do it all again, she would, because she loved him...still loves him...though she'll never say it again to him, unless he asked to hear those words. ~I'm sorry. I wanted to call you a million times. I just didn't know what to say or what YOU would say! I'm a bastard and I'm sorry. I just wanted to talk to you. Can we meet somewhere? I have something for you. "If it's another broken heart, I don't want it." She thought to herself "This one, I'm still trying to glue back together". ~No tricks, just talk ~"Please, God. Let her say yes." he pleaded silently~ A long drawn out silence followed Where? She finally said and an audible sigh of relief came from the other side of the phone. ~At the coffee shop where we used to go at around 8:00 p.m.? I'll call you when I'm on the way. Okay, tell me. Is this something you all would consider reading if I finished the damn thing? :-) Just send me a message and let me know. Maybe you have some suggestions....yeah...Gotta go! I'm being called to dinner. Tuesday, September 19, 2006 *sigh* empath overdrive I got a surprise call from an old friend. Unfortunately I missed the call, but I probably wouldn't have been able to talk from the shock of receiving it in the first place. Lot's of stuff (that I won't ellaborate on at this moment) has happened since the beginning of the year. Some good, some really bad...this is part of the good, but mostly the really bad. Sorry...I know I'm being vague. It's how I know to control the hurt. So, yeah...NOW I on the edge of wanting to hear from said "friend" again or wishing they wouldn't call (yeah, right! That's just me lying to myself). Stupid...of course I want to hear from them just to clear the air and get a freaking apology and do some apologizing of my own. Heh...I felt weird for a while now. Guess now I know why. And I thought I was just stressing about having Marlene (frameshop coordinator) at my shop all week! I don't know why I ignore my instincts sometimes! *SIGH* On second thought, scratch that. It's another selfpreservation thing...I won't lie. Great...It's gonna be a WONDERFUL day! Ugh! Can I please crawl under a rock somewhere, please?! Let's not do the day and say we did! Okay, okay...I'm going. Maybe work won't be so bad. Pray for me? ghosts there's been a ringing a constant ringing in my head someone's been whispering stop thinking my name I know you're here knew you were coming before you said a thing because I heard you you were in my head the mind can forget, the heart can forgive but the body will always remember always I'm on that edge again stuck in time in one place where memories collide with the present and I realize You will NEVER be gone we're holding on too tightly Monday, September 11, 2006 cross post *sigh* Ahh...Sade.... Current mood: contemplative Category: Writing and Poetry "this may come, this may come as some surprise...but I miss you . I can see through all of your lies, but still I miss you...he takes her love, but it doesn't feel like mine...he tastes her kiss...her kisses aren't mine. They are not mine. He takes, but surely she can't give what I feeling now. She takes, but surely she doesn't know how...Is it a crime...is it a crime...that I still want you....and I want you to want me too...my love is wider...wider than Victoria Lake...my love is taller...taller than the Empire state and it dives and it jumps and it ripples like the deepest ocean...I can't give you more than that. Surely you want me back....Is it a crime...is it a crime...I still want you and I want you to want me too....my love is wider than Victoria lake Taller than the Empire state Dives...jumps...I can't give you more than that...Surely you want me back....is it a crime...is it a crime? That I still want you...and I want you to want me too....It dives jumps and it ripples like the deepest oceans...surely you want it back...tell me.....is it.....a....crime......" I wish I'd have written this. The words...oh, the words....*sigh*...brings to surface so many deeply imbedded emotions. Strange what words can do..... Words II Words....such power you bring forth the sting of a love that builds and breaks me you move and shake me words...lies or truths power beyond comprehension and I bow and bend before you...for you you are the strength I hold...cling to... within me you mold and set me free.... *See?! I told you...I was able to let go for a while and write! Praise be to words!* Monday, September 04, 2006 Words Take these words and mold them 'neath the heat of your wandering hands I give them to you like a lover gives of herself take me Press them to your lips and whisper softly so they fall unfettered upon the sunwarmed skin of my shoulder And I will gather them up and cradle them against my heart Sunday, September 03, 2006 confused *sigh* It's been one of those days that challenge one physically, mentally and emotionally. I feel extremely sensitive and a little sad. I've run into so many people and made such wonderful friends and then I find something out that just disturbed me and made me feel betrayed, actually. To those who've known me for a while, or have read me for a while, do I come off as someone ingenuine? Have I ever given the impression of being unreal or a person with their own agenda? I know that there are those out there who have been hurt because they were too trusting. I happen to be one of those people, but that has never changed the fact that I still trust. I'm just a little more cautious. Does that make sense? I mean, when people are kind to me or ask me a favor, I don't automatically assume they're trying to make money off of me or hurt me in any way or that I'm going to be used. At least I don't think I do. Geez. I should probably just forget about it, but the person who doubted me, I consider a very close friend. Perhaps it was just while they were in the thick of drama that they mistrusted? I just don't know. Regardless, I just have to keep believing and hoping in the greater good of the world. Otherwise, I'll end up to be a haggard old hermit without any friends or real connections. I just can't see myself that way. You know...I'll just say my little prayers and everything will be fine. I know it will. Breathe and let go....... Thursday, August 31, 2006 what a busy day. Well...today officially marked the end of the summer for me. I took the kids to the beach for the last time and Rich and Rose both registered for the new school year. I must say that this summer was just unusually short for me. I just started having fun with my kids again and now it's over!! Geez! Where the time goes, I just don't know. *sigh* I've been feeling a bit nostalgic lately. I don't know if it's because the kids are going back to school or the fact that we're trying to push all the holiday items out in our store. Perhaps a little of both...and the fact that the empath in me is going a little nutso again. I'm getting those strange waves of energy again and I can't shake it. Damn thing has me all turned around. I can't seem to think straight. *shakes her head* I need another vacation, only this time it has to last at least 4 full days. Ugh...jetsetting just doesn't sit well with me. lol Until then, however, I must deal with these overwhelming thoughts// dreams// feelings... Gosh, I'm tired. Think I'll try to write something else. Good night folks. You're all in my thoughts and prayers. omg!! finally!! I was able to login the NORMAL way after two freaking weeks!! Please let this last. Okay, so I haven't posted much on the count of writers block, frustration with the site and just plain being busy. I really should be asleep coz I have to go to Rich's registration first thing in the morning, but insomnia will do funny things to ya. So...here I am posting something new AND something silly. My friend, Wanda, sent this to me. Had me rolling on the floor. Read on and you'll see why :-) One day, while going to the bookstore, a preacher passed a nursing home. On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass. He thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on his way to the bookstore. On his return trip, He passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn. This time his curiosity got the best of him and went inside to talk to the manager. "Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front lawn?" "Yes," she said. "They are retired prostitutes, and they're having a yard sale." *snicker* told ya! Now....for the "something new"! Walk Through Yesterday 8/31/06 I counted the stars as they came out and connected them with imaginary lines until the sky was so full I could not longer see It brought me back to sleepless nights and moonbeams lying on the soft, green grass We stood here before, you and I, as dusk fell and the skies lit up with a trillion tiny fireflies But, you were the one that blinded me your essence filled the heavens so that angels fell drunk and so did I once a bittersweet lifetime ago But I smile now as I walk through yesterday and remember what we were before Monday, August 28, 2006 what the heck, man?! I haven't been able to log into this damn blog. I've had to log in via comments on other blogs in order to post something. Grr....I don't want to give up this blog, but irritations like this, well, it's just not something I need nor want! *sigh* It's bad enough to have writers block, but when the need hits you, and you can't even post makes it all the worse. Sorry if that was totally incorrect grammatically, but this is how unmotivated I am. I don't even have the slightest bit of inclination to fix it (LIES....It bugs, but I don't have time to fix it at the moment.) I just want to write. Work is kicking my butt. The closer we get to the holidays, the busier we get. It's a good and bad thing. It means job security to me, coz I'm doing exactly what I said I would, which is bringing back business to the frameshop. But, on the same token, I'm so tired of working for someone else. Ugh....we're never really satisfied. At least, not at this moment. I'm feeling the time crunch. The end of the summer is near and that means running around like a maniac again. It's been a mostly relaxing summer and I hope to hold onto it for as long as I can. Weather permitting, I'll continue to go to Laguna Beach on Thursdays alone. I've felt so relaxed.... Well, I better get. Mike just called. Gonna chat for a bit! Friday, August 25, 2006 fireworks Every evening (9:30 p.m.) I hear the fireworks show from Disneyland. Some nights it's more noticeable than others, like tonight. I think the wind was blowing in our direction. *sigh* I love fireworks. Brings out the kid in me. There was one fireworks show in particular that I remember. Richie's bday is the 4th of July, so he gets fireworks every year. On his sixth bday, we threw him a bday party and after dinner, the entire family, all 24 of us, went to Heritage park in Irvine, just across the street from our townhome to watch the fireworks display. It was just craziness seeing so many people at the park at once. Everyone was there. Anyway, we found a spot where we could plant our very LARGE group and waited for the display. It was a wonderful evening. When the finale' was taking place, all the huge bursts of color exploding left and right, we sang happy birthday to Rich. Even people in the crowd (people we didn't know) started singing and at the end of the show we all wished him a really loud HAPPY BIRTHDAY. omg...seeing the happiness and glow on his face was just breathtaking. I thank God for giving me children and allowing me memories just like this. gun-metal gray/or sepia..... I'm conducting a little experiment. I wanted to see how many hits my myspace profile would get just by changing my profile pic. In a mere 24 hour period my page was hit over 100 times. That's the most I've ever seen it jump. And, I believe it's because of the photo I used. My dear friend Wanda, who's a prof. photographer, took this great photo of me in black and white and I gave it to my husband for our anniversary. Anyway, I found it interesting how looks affect this so much...bizarre, really. I'm just ignorant. But, I still found the outcome interesting. I'm gonna change it back to a different one next week. Why I use myself for experiments is beyond me, but I just do. Sometimes, I'm just hoping against the normal compulsion for human reaction, I guess, But, like I said, I'm just ignorant that way. heh...now that I've written a lot about nothing, I'll let you go! Thursday, August 24, 2006 myspace cross-post. A day at the beach Laguna Beach...not just a tv show... Current mood: jubilant Category: Blogging Went to the beach with the kids today. We picked up the best sandwiches from Ralph's, brought a grip o' Gatorade and went on our way. Stopped at my bro-in-laws shop (in Laguna Canyon) and picked up my nephews' Anthony and Giovanni and headed off to Laguna Beach. Oh my gosh. What an absolutely gorgeous day today! The sky was the clearest blue I've seen in a long time. The temp was perfect and the water was awesome. The sun was a little stronger than the past few days we'd gone, so, um, let's just say I'm a little darker than I was the last! Yikes! lol I even brought the digital to get some shots of our fun in the sun. Luckily, I got some really great pics of the kids just before the camera started acting up! Ugh...I really need a new camera. After it started fartin' around, I resorted to using Rose's disposable and a shot of my camera phone. Thank goodness for other forms of technology! As a matter of fact, I'm uploading pics into photobucket as I type! I'm gonna put up another film loop. These pics are fun! Anyway, I just wanted to share. These photo's just made me happy :-) Saturday, August 19, 2006 yeah...this is me! But only to those that "GET" it! lol You're Totally Sarcastic You sarcastic? Never! You're as sweet as a baby bunny. Seriously, though, you have a sharp tongue - and you aren't afraid to use it. And if people are too wimpy to deal with your attitutde, then too bad. So sad. How Sarcastic Are You? Wednesday, August 16, 2006 Trolls! Get 'em while they're hot! Trolls...get 'em while their hot! Current mood: silly Category: Writing and Poetry A dialogue..... TROLLS HERE!! GET YOUR TROLLS HERE! SHORT, FAT, SKINNY OR TALL, BLEACHED-BLONDE, BUXOM, FAKE-BOOB, WATERBRA-WEARIN' TROLLS HERE! GLASSES? WE GOT 'EM. CONTACTS? COLORED LENSES OR NATURAL? THEY'RE HERE TOO! WE GOT HATERS-TROLLS OF ALL TYPES AND STATURE AGE AND STATUS. OVERSIZED SCHNOZZ-NOT STANDARD, BUT AVAILABLE. YOU WANT TROLLS? WE GOT TROLLS! GET 'EM WHILE THEY LAST, BEFORE THEY BOUNCE TO STALK ANOTHER UNSUSPECTING VICTIM!! MONEY IS AN OPTION. PERSONALITY?! NOT LIKELY, BUT THEY'D LIKE YOURS! NO NEED TO CARRY MACE...THEY BRING THEIR OWN! TAKE 'EM TO WEDDINGS! THEY'RE A GREAT GAG GIFT. BRIDES LOVE TO HATE 'EM. LEAVE YOUR GUESTS ALONE IF YOU WANT TO GIVE TONGUE BATHS AS A WEDDING SOUVENIR...FREELY GIVEN IN THE KITCHEN! COME AND GET YOUR TROLLS HERE!! HOT-BLOODED, NO QUALMS, NO INHIBITIONS TROLLS HERE! AVAILABLE IN EVERY CITY AND STATE AROUND THE WORLD. COMES IN MALE VERSION TOO! CALL 1(800)NOTHANX, FOR MORE INFORMATION. GET YOUR TROLL TODAY! Super Busy!! I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm alive. Work has been hectic. I haven't been sleeping well, and I've been a creating fool (writing, painting)!! I'm going to a recording studio tomorrow to sing back-up for a song on a friends cd. Hopefully all goes well and something comes of my endeavor. :-) Whatever the case may be, I'm just going to enjoy it. I haven't been in a recording studio in YEARS! It should be lots of fun. Wish me luck!! per-verse/ myspace crosspost per-verse Current mood: nostalgic Category: Writing and Poetry I looked for lovely at the end of a song All I got was an ending I remember the lyrics so clearly but the melody has disappeared You said you loved me once That was a lifetime ago I keep going back to what-might-have-been I still hear how, remember where and when.... Tug... You're still tugging And, the clouds refuse to cover my eyes Tuesday, August 15, 2006 Caramel Kisses and Champagne ~The air has shifted There is a cooling here August breeze says Sister Autumn is approaching~ Too many times I woke last night disoriented, dazed by the lights and sounds that crept into my window I must have been dreaming though I can't remember what or why... I'm still confused, head is spinning from caramel kisses and dreamed champagne But, I see no moon the stars have gone hiding and the brown owl is fast asleep nothing left but the taste of sugar resting, clining to the tip of my tongue... *Well, I've completed something totally disconnected yet, I am pleased. Heh...it's really reflecting my lack of sleep. Ah, well, artists and insomnia seem to go hand in hand. * Friday, August 04, 2006 making up for lost time I know I haven't posted anything in a while. Getting a really bad summer cold can do that to you and work has been...well, REALLY HARD WORK. *sigh* I want to be able to stay home again. Soon, I hope. Anyway, I wanted to share this with you too. Enjoy :-) powered by ODEO Beachside Poetry I took the kids to Laguna Beach yesterday. It was such a relaxing day. We're going to have to do that again. We had a blast and I got a really good poem out of it AND I edited another along with getting some really good photos. I'll post the pics later, I promise. Anyway, here's the piece. I also posted it on myspace. Oh, and did I mention that I was asked to sing back-up on a song for an upcoming cd? No? Well....Yeah, I did!! I'm so thrilled. Gonna work on it next week. Keep me in your prayers!! Beachside poetry Current mood: optimistic Category: Writing and Poetry I sat watching the waves curl and break upon the sandy shore Brine-infused air settled upon me- calm Time and waterworn rocks jut out of the sands- gargoyles of Laguna Beach keeping watch over waters unchanged through the centuries I could stay here for hours, like those rocks, just watching letting the sun warm me as waves rush over smoothing, soothing my rough edges with the polish of time Thursday, July 27, 2006 accapella why? just because I felt like it powered by ODEO Sunday, July 23, 2006 survey thingy MySpace Survey '06 BaSiC InFo Name: MARY Birthdate: 12/23 Birthplace: LEGASPI CITY PI Current Location: CERRITOS Eye Color: BROWN Hair Color: ANY COLOR I WANT Height: 4'11" Weight: 108 What's Your.... Zodiac Sign: CAPRICORN Ethnicity: FILIPINA...I'M AN ISLAND GIRL Body Type: ATHLETIC Favorite Food: FILIPINO AND JAPANESE Favorite Drink: CACTUS COOLER AND MIMOSAS Baseball Team: NOT REALLY (when) Bedtime: WHEN I FINALLY FALL ASLEEP Favorite Color(s): RED...OKAY, ALL COLORS...I'M AN ARTIST Favorite Letter: M Favorite Number: 7 Candy: SNICKERS Favorite Animal: MONKEY Favorite Messenger: DON'T HAVE A FAVE Screename: WESTCOASTMAMA Favorite Store: ANYWHERE THAT SELLS SHOES! Most Missed Memory: BEING HAPPY ALL THE TIME Best Physical Feature: MY LEGS :-) Overused Phrase: OMG First Thought Waking Up: WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TODAY? Goal for this year: GET MY BOOKS FINISHED/PUBLISHED Weakness: CHEESECAKE Fears: NOT ACCOMPLISHING MY GOAL Heritage: I'M FILIPINA...FAMILY IS EVERYTHING Longest Relationship: MY HUBBY...20 YEARS School's Name: PARAMOUNT HIGH SCHOOL Favorite TV Show: SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE Have You Ever.... Drank: YUH Smoked: UM, UNFORTUNATELY Dyed Your Hair: ALL THE TIME Shoplifted: ONCE, ACCIDENTALLY Tried To Do The Splits: YUP Tried To Do A Backbend: YUP Tried To Do A Cartwheel: OH, YEAH Tried To Do A Handstand: DEFINITELY Tried To Act Perfect: NEVER Get A Detention Of Any Kind From Not Doin Anything: YEAH Skinny Dipped: NO Had Sex: THINK SO...FOUR KIDS Kissed/Huged An Opposite Sex: YEAH Kissed/Huged The Same Sex As You: YEAH Been Dumped: WHO HASN'T?! Done Drugs: NOPE Had A Boyfriend/Girlfriend: YEAH Ate Sushi: OH, YEAH! Loved Someone: YEAH In A Guy/Gurl.... Fav Eye Color: NOT PICKY-DEPENDS ON THE PERSON Fav Hair Color: SAME AS ABOVE Short or Long Hair: DOESN'T MATTER Height: DOESN'T MATTER EITHER...I'M SHORT! LOL Weight: WHATEVER SUITS THEIR BODY Looks Or Personality: PERSONALITY Love or Money: LOVE Hot Or Cute: BOTH Drugs and/or Alcohol: NEITHER PLEASE Muscular or Really Skinny: MUSCULAR, BUT NOT TOO MUCH Sexy or Shmexy----> lmao!: HAHAHA...DEPENDS ON THE PERSON ;-p Random...: "MMMM....CHOCOLATE...." How Do You Want To Die?: IN MY SLEEP What country do you want to Visit: EUROPE Been to the Mall Lately: YUP Do you like Thunderstorms: ABSOLUTELY LOVE THEM!! Shower Daily: YEAH Do you Sing: HELL YEAH Want to go to College: STILL ON MY LIST Current... Clothes: SHORTS AND TANK UNDER MY ROBE ;-) Shoes: NONE RIGHT NOW, BUT I'M ADDICTED TO BCBG'S Make-Up: NOPE...JUST GOT UP Hair Do: RATS NEST Phone: UPSTAIRS UNDER MY PILLOW Phone Number: 949******* LOL Location: CERRITOS Weather: ALREADY FREAKING HOT Website(s): WWW.IFWISHESWEREDIAMONDS.BLOGSPOT.COM, WWW.PROMISEOFLIGHT.ORG, WWW.MOONTOWNCAFE.COM Take this survey | Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d Friday, July 21, 2006 Mutant Zucchini a crosspost from myspace Mutant zucchini Current mood: chipper Category: Blogging My mom and dad came to visit tonight. I figured since we'd been eating so heavily coz my mother-in-law LOVES to feed us, I'd make something light. Thursdays have become my kitchen duty since it's the only day I have off during the week So, anyway, my mom and dad brought some veggies from their garden...tomatoes, avocados (yes, avocados!!) and the BIGGEST zucchinis!! I kid you not! Okay, I know ya'll are gonna laugh coz I'm totally going to be dating myself with what I'm about to write, but do you all remember the 80's cartoon "Captain Caveman"? lol Well, the way he used to fly was with his "super powered" club! These zucchini..., let's just say you can knock a wooly mammoth on it's ass with it!! We could feed a family of 12 and still have leftovers!! They're that huge!! Oh, yeah, and I had written that she wanted me to paint something for a church anniversary gift on my last post. I just about finished it. Basically, it's a painting of a torch. It's alright. I hope the pastor likes it. I'm going to put the gloss coat on it tomorrow. I did a couple of other things too, but I'm going to redo them. coz they're not the greatest and I don't like them. Yeah, I know...I'm my own worst critique, but I REALLY don't like them so it's either paint over them or completely forget about them! I'd rather paint over them. lol... I'm gonna work on a couple of poems now. I don't know if I'll like the outcome coz I felt like having a cooler and well, it's really relaxing me, so we'll see what happens. Night all! Almost I'd been waiting for the moon to change, to shift and show her colors I'd been watching so intently that I almost missed you and the way you stared at me with those beautiful eyes Your long, dark lashes almost veiled the want... almost, but I saw it yet, I nearly missed it like the shooting star that sped across that cobalt backdrop You'd been standing there a while with your hands in your pockets just waiting... and I, well, I was staring at the moon waiting for the change, the shift in colors and I almost missed you powered by ODEO Monday, July 17, 2006 a cross post from my myspace blog "short people got no worries..." Current mood: silly Category: Blogging You know...whoever came up with that song WASN'T short!! Today was an interesting day. I have to mount this giant freaking map onto a piece of foamcore the size of Mount Olympus! No joke! The foamcore that I had to cut down for the map was 48"x96". Think of it, guys. That's 4' high by 8' wide!! And, I'm all of 4'11"!!! Oh my jeebus...lol It was a feet just trying to get those damn boards out of the spot Patsy and I put them into. I was literally huffin' and puffin' trying to get two boards out AND I have to fight with another one tomorrow, coz I didn't finish the order. Heh...not to mention I kinda got pinned for a second between the other boards that I was trying to, um, maneuver out of the way! lol I wish you all could see what I had to work with. You would have been laughing your asses off watching me carry this board. All you would have seen was a pair of feet and a set of hands hugging the board!!! lmao I'm just glad I didn't run into anything. Oh, and to make things worse, the map is wider than the 48" board, so I had to splice two pieces together. Yeah, that was interesting. NOT! I had to get on all fours on top of the work table to reinforce the splice with another piece of foamcore. That made for a really nice view....HELLO full moon over Cerritos!! It's a good thing no one came around the corner while I was prowling around the top of that table. They may have wanted to slip a few dollar bills into my belt with the booty view I offered!!! Geez...and I have to do that again tomorrow?!! Oh, man! Maybe I can recruit some help tomorrow. My boss will be back from vacation and I can utilize his height (6'2") and some of the muscle that I lack. I have to spend time on top of a ladder too! OMG...why am I thinking about this now?! Ugh! Okay...I'm gonna go zen. I'm surprised I'm not completely wiped out since I went to the gym at 5:30 this morning. I'm gonna be good and go now...I have a couple of paintings I'm working on. Catch ya'll later! Sunday, July 16, 2006 Holy Moly!! Well, now...being the techno tard that I am, I've just spent the last hour looking through "floppy disks" full of my poems. Yes, floppy's...lol...I didn't realize how many pieces I've accumulated over the past, what, five years!! And, you should see how full my studio is now. I have artwork everywhere!! Erin, I haven't forgotten about your painting. I'll send it out tomorrow... lol... I have to go through a ton of books and loose leaf papers! I can't find one notebook that has a bunch of stuff that I was working on. It may be buried in my car somewhere in the trunk! lol I have sooo much stuff in there for my passions. Have some floral arrangements I'm working on too, as if painting and writing just wasn't enough!! Oh, yeah...and I'm looking into a new digital camera. Ours is about to poop out. It's way old. It still takes great pics...all the photos I've posted were taken by that camera, but it doesn't always work properly :-/ Just wanted to give you an update Sunday, July 09, 2006 Success The birthday bash was a hit. I had a turnout of about 40 loud family members and we ate and drank until we were all beyond full!! lol. It was the greatest! I just wanted to share a few pics. While I'm doing this, I'm gonna snarf up a piece of cake! ;-P There are so many more that I can post, but I don't want to really embarrass anyone but me and my hubby so there!! Enjoy Thursday, July 06, 2006 my paintings!! OMG! I'VE BEEN A PAINTING FOOL!! HERE ARE THE PIECES I'VE JUST COMPLETED. Here's Erin's moon, Jodi's Sun, and my Angel Wednesday, July 05, 2006 waiting for the breakdown I should be working on corsages and boutinere's(sp?) but I'm not in that kind of a creative mind frame. All I want to do is paint!! lol...it's an addiction really, just like my writing. I just can't seem to do without it :-) I wrote something the other day, but have been mulling it over quite a bit. I like it, but I'm not completely sure... Tell me what you all think :-) heaven and hell collided when we met- ice turned to stone and sand turned to rain your darkness became my light; my tragedy and my love began your downfall We were beautiful once like two shooting stars racing across the infinite grace of an endless sky you,my muse, were everything love could be within a lie and a razors edge And I, still myself, loved you with everything; light, darkness and the passion of a thunderstorm Erin's painting here's the link. blogger's having issues http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f32/westcoastmama/Richies15thbday014.jpg Sunday, July 02, 2006 crosspost from myspace Painting... Current mood: chipper Category: Blogging I'm working on another painting. It's for my friend, Erin, in NC. It's her birthday on the 4th, so I'm sending her a care package. It's long overdo, but I'm finally getting it out. Erin and I have an affinity with the moon, so I'm sending her one so she can look at it anytime she wants . I'm gonna finish it now. I'll post a pic in my other blog, www.ifwisheswerediamonds.blogspot.com when it's finished...I promise (heh...told you I'd post something...) Pics not here yet...patience my friends...soon ;-) Thursday, June 29, 2006 a reading of naked summer storm powered by ODEO Naked Summer Storm Naked summer storm/Revised6-29-06 I watch the sun break through the clouds in a burst of color only to be bullied into hiding as the thunder rumbles and stumbles closer There’s a light show brewing I can see the flashes jutting just beyond the curves of the darkening sky The angels are taking digitals How they must laugh as we scurry and scramble for shelter as mist turns into spatters of rain They must find it odd that I welcome the downpour of a summer storm I must be…...amusing The flashes come faster and closer as I laugh and dance in the warm June waters till the clothing on my flesh becomes transparent Funny…I don’t FEEL naked But, I do feel the ground quake as lightning flashes heralding the echoes of thunder Wednesday, June 28, 2006 TIME CRUNCH I'M WORKING LIKE A MADWOMAN GETTING EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR THE DAY...40 is a big turning point and I hope my hubby likes what I'm doing. Invitations are just about all addressed and are getting sent out today! *sigh* big relief there. Everyone already knows so, the invites are just a formality and a REMINDER. Um...what else...AAAHHHH!!! I have so much to do I can't think straight! I just wanted to give everyone a heads up. I am still alive :-) I feel like the walking dead, but I'm still here. I'll be back later Tuesday, June 27, 2006 *sigh* I tried to post something earlier, but blogger ate it :-( Sucks coz the last post was a little more "cheerful" I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed... another crosspost from myspace how... Current mood: drained Category: Life how is it, in the midst of a crowd with all the merriment, that one can feel so alone..... Sadness can be so overwhelming. It can squeeze the air right out of your lungs leaving you gasping for the want of a breeze....inhale....exhale...inhale....exhale....and you hope, that, just for 10 seconds, the world would stop spinning so you can catch up only to stumble after you've picked your feet up again....*sigh*....life is funny that way....attachements suck.....ugh...I hurt, like my soul has been pressed between two planes of existence. I'm holding onto a rope and I want to let go, but will I land safely on my feet or come crashing down bloodied and broken? Sometimes....just sometimes, like now....I'd like to let go, just to find out. Monday, June 26, 2006 what a week another cross post from myspace What a week!! Current mood: grateful Category: Blogging Well, a new week has begun and all too quickly once again. It was really nice having John home even if it was only for a few days. He looks really good..stronger, healthy. I've been an emotional wreck for the past week or so, though. My apologies to those who I may have been hyper sensitive with and to . I promise to slow my roll...lol So, Rich and Rose are in summer school. It looks like I don't get to sleep in for another 5 weeks. arrgh...I was hoping to be able to slow down a bit. Oh, and to top it off, I went to pick up Mike's diploma and he owes $70 to his school for a book he lost! Damn books are expensive and good ole mom has to foot the bill... Oh, well...I don't care. He graduated and that's the important thing. Other than being overworked and overwhelmed this past week, there's been a lot of positive things happening...lots of learning, prayer, healing....I didn't know that my father-in-laws condition in mexico was so dire. He'd had laser surgery to correct his stomach problems and instead of curing him, it almost killed him. He has about a 7 inch scar on his abdomen where they had to open him up to drain the blood that was pooling in his stomach. If he hadn't come in for emergency surgery, the doctor said he would have been dead in four days. The power of prayer is amazing. My mom and dad are both ordaned (sp? sorry lazy to check) pastors and firm believers of healing through prayer. I, too, believe. Saturday evening, before everyone went home, we held a prayer circle for my f-i-l, my m-i-l, my husband, John and myself...the energy of positive goodness was so intense. You have to understand, my father-in-law is a devout catholic, but he's a pertetual pessimist. Something really good happened to my in-laws that night, especially to my father-in-law. I see hope in his eyes. It's so good to see that. Even better to FEEL it. Oh, geez...so to get to philosophical. I told you I've been hyper emotional! I can't help it if I'm a bit of an empath. It's in my nature to nurture. If I get all mother-hen on you, let me know and I'll take a couple steps back! I'm gonna be good and get some writing done before I have to head out to work. Blessings everyone! Friday, June 23, 2006 a cross post from my myspace blog Humor, it can kill ya!!! LOL Current mood: crazy Category: Blogging Ever laugh yourself into a headache? I did...Geez...all started of with a text I got today that had me laughing my ass off for the better part of the day. You know something's pretty damn funny if it makes you snort and belly laugh when YOU'RE ALONE!! I'm so glad no customers came around while I was giggling. They would have thought I was crazy!! Yeah....chocolate...omg...I can't stop...lol....hahahahahaha....*deep breath*...snicker...okay, okay....yeah, so um... Let's start that again shall we?! lol I am so freaking tired tonight. Mike's graduation ceremony was wonderful. He looked so nice in his cap and gown. All smiles too!! We were one of the biggest and loudest groups there, as if that surprises me, and he was so happy to have us show support. Needless to say, I cried, like I knew I would, but that's what moms do. geez...there so much more I want to say, but that freaking text keeps invading my sensibilities...AAAAHHHHHH!! I'M DAMAGED! Wednesday, June 21, 2006 one of those songs Okay, I promised to sing for you, so I have. You all are going to have to forgive the quality (phone recording) and the catches in my vocals. This song has a lot connected to it and in the middle of recording it, for the third and last time, I kinda got a little choked up. So...Erin, you got the giggles, I almost started crying. It's just one of those songs that, well, it's poetry...and it touches me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy and I don't hurt your ears too much :-/ my voice powered by ODEO In the silence This is a repost...I think I like it better read out loud. In the Silence/Shh…all is quiet(original title) 3-21-06 Current mood: satisfied All is quiet....still and, yet again, I am wide awake. In the silence of the eve my mind sings...soars.... Music plays and shadows dance upon the walls of my beating heart A little reminder that I'm still breathing With eyes closed I see him there- an angelic aura around him Hands clasped, head bowed God hears his silent whispers. "I am just a man...." Is anyone listening? I smile in answer, arms outstretched for a warm embrace. I hear you. And, I am a woman with music and words that flow swiftly through her veins- color and light in my vision and I say... "Hello, my friend. Would you care to dance?" In the Silence powered by ODEO Tuesday, June 20, 2006 messenger out of the darkness and into the light he comes... winged messenger in the guise of man... look up... look high.. look forward... he descends upon the world... pious man... genuine man...a man who brings us news for those of you who cannot/will not believe run and cower- his words will cut you down warrior prince…spinner of words… a man… who is my friend Grr... If I have any more days like this, someone might get hurt!! lol I say that laughingly now, but, damn, if I didn't have a sense of humor, someone would be seriously injured... I'm not even gonna get into it coz I'll just get thoroughly pissed off again. Besides, I already vented, so I'm not a danger to society...or a particular being...anymore. Oh, and I did a lot of deep meditational breathing so that took some of the edge off. That and the fact that I had to focus on a high school graduation helped too. I got home and my daughter asked me, "Mom. Did you cry?" I told her I almost did and you know what the little brat told me? lol..."It's coz you're weak". The turd...but I admitted that fact freely. I never once denied the fact that I cry at the drop of a hat, what more of a few hundred graduation caps!? Anyway, the trials of today left me with much on my mind. Lot's of poetry brewing.... I wish I would have written everything down or recorded it. Now my thoughts are nothing but a garbled mess. *sigh* I suppose that's good. I'm not so angry anymore. Anger makes an ugly, old and unhealthy person. I refuse to succumb to that anytime EVER! I think I have to remove myself from the front of the screen...maybe that will clarify my thoughts. Sunday, June 18, 2006 Daisies-odeo recording powered by ODEO Insomnia whoa...I have about 4 poems floating around in my mind and they all want to come out at once. I tried to go to sleep about an hour and a half ago with now success. :-/ I don't like this one bit. At least the house is quiet even if my mind isn't. *sigh* I've aged a lot these past couple of years...okay, moreso in the past 10 months. heh...enough time to have a baby, but I don't. The familiar pang of wanting another little one has been hitting me hard. Could it be that this nine month old who came in with his parents today wedged these feelings back into my heart? Not likely....I'm just one of those women who loved being pregnant...it was a form of unconditional nurturing and love on my part, I guess. But he was gorgeous and he had the most wonderful gummy smile and such a powerful aura of innocence. Talking to him and seeing him respond to me in such an enthiusiastic way...oh, man...I so wish I could get that back again. Everything seems to come with strings nowadays. He melted a few frozen shards that were embedded in my heart. I felt renewed. lol...I bet that sounds silly, huh? But, it's the plain and simple truth. So, it's fathers day and I haven't gotten anything for my dad, husband or father-in-law. Technically, I'm supposed to be getting up early to buy last minute gifts. Hmmm....I wonder if this qualifies as early? *shakes head* Ugh...I know I'm tired. I had a really long day today. It's been a rough four weeks. Isn't it supposed to slow down when the summer rolls around?! Geez, I hope so, coz this pace is gonna kill me. Goodness. Now that I've whined enough for the day, I'm gonna try and so something productive, since I'm obviously NOT sleeping! Gonna hit my notebooks in hopes of completing something. Wish me luck ;-) Saturday, June 17, 2006 Concrete Jungle Okay ya'll...this is what Erin started and I'm only following suit! lol Not bad for a first time, but I think I'm gonna rerecord it later. I think I'll be investing in a mic soon :-). Anyway, here we gooooo...... powered by ODEO Thursday, June 15, 2006 Museless in So Cal-a crosspost from Moontown So, I'd been a happy little writer for about a couple of months after having my writers block lifted. There was a sudden surge of creativity which, all of the sudden, has waned like that of the moon...ugh....I have some good pieces that need to be edited, but my brain refuses to function in any other way than lyrical or morbidly. I'm hoping that having lunch with my girlfriend Lori and having a couple of mimosas will put me in the right frame of mind. I guess I have a lot on my mind. Rosie's home from school again today. She's missed three school days since last week because of uti and a kidney infection. She's been in a lot of pain and kinda feverish. She went to school yesterday, but overdid because she felt better. I even excused her from p.e. so she wouldn't push to much, but she forgot and spent too much time out. No matter what, she has to go in tomorrow to turn in all her books and clean out her locker. :-/ She's on antibiotics, so hopefully she'll feel better soon. Kidney infections suck. One almost killed me (literally) when I was 17. I was hospitalized for 5 days because of it. One of the most painful things I'd experienced NEXT to child birth....now I gotta watch out for my girl...At least I know what symptoms to look for.... With that, I shall say "until we meet again"....Gotta meet with Lori at 11. This should be interesting. SHE'S FREAKING HILARIOUS. I sent her a text asking if she wanted to go to MIMI'S CAFE for breakfast and mimosas. Her reply...."IS A DUCKS BUTT WATER TIGHT?!" LMAO!! Yeah...so I'll see ya! Thursday, June 08, 2006 from my myspace blog to feel through someone elses eyes.... Current mood: calm Category: Life I have read such beautiful poetry today. If you all haven't been there yet, you really have to go to http://www.moontowncafe.com/ . It's such a wonderful community of writers. I'm always amazed a blessed by what I see. There is greatness there. It's amazing what a group of well placed, well written words can do for our soul. I hope that my writing does that for people. There are more pieces in place on my private page in http://www.promiseoflight.org/ . Yes, I know I've written about it before, but I'm really proud of the pieces I've put into "Mary's Hideaway". There are little shards...bits and pieces, really...of my soul there. I guess in everything I do, there is a bit of me left behind, but it makes room to build and create so much more. My paintings, and drawings are wonderful...but words, spoken or written, *sigh*....they do so much for me....so much TO me. I can pour my sadness onto the barren pages and create a thing of beauty from my pain or calm when my emotions are uncontrollable. I can express my love there, when in my life, I have not the courage or the voice to speak them....I can show my weakness and be cut down or crushed by them yet am strengthened by their release. These scribblings...these paintings in roman letters....these words...."words" are my miracle cure Wednesday, June 07, 2006 Well...I won't be doing THAT again! Thank you, Kristi, for this great big tidbit of information!!! Quote:"By displaying or publishing ("posting") any Content, messages,text, files, images, photos, video, sounds, profiles, works ofauthorship, or any other materials (collectively, "Content") on orthrough the Services, you hereby grant to MySpace.com, a non-exclusive, fully-paid and royalty-free, worldwide license (withthe right to sublicense through unlimited levels of sublicensees)to use, copy, modify, adapt, translate, publicly perform, publiclydisplay, store, reproduce, transmit, and distribute such Contenton and through the Services. This license will terminate at thetime you remove such Content from the Services. Notwithstandingthe foregoing, a back-up or residual copy of the Content posted byyou may remain on the MySpace.com servers after you have removedthe Content from the Services, and MySpace.com retains the rightsto those copies." So...I won't be sharing my poetry there anymore. If anyone wants to read "me" they can come to my blog or www.moontowncafe.com or sign up to read my private page "Mary's Hideaway" at www.promiseoflight.org . There ya go! Kinda sucks how the site can use you like that, but, hey...it is a free service and you gotta make your money somehow...even if it is a little underhanded... Um...so in other news...things have been alright. I worked two closing shifts in a row and that really sucked. It sucked so bad that I am now STILL awake when my ass should be in bed. Grr...I'm a little on the overloaded side. I am on an emotional danger level warning...lol...it still amazes me how I can remain so composed in front of people when all I want to do is kick and scream and throw a major tantrum!!! It's not so much what's happening to me, per say...the ick in the weather the past few days hasn't helped and the coming of the full moon.....oh, lord, help me. I feel weary...got lots of things on my mind...LOTS!! Being "tethered" to people beyond a physical level can be so exhausting.*sigh* Speaking of exhausting, I'm beat. The past two days kicked my ass and I feel it right down to the tips of my eyelashes. I'm tellin' ya! Even my hair hurts! Seriously! Ugh...I'm gonna make some tea and take some ibuprofen. Nighty-night, all Subscribe to: Posts (Atom) Blog Archive ►  2010 (3) ►  October (1) ►  September (1) ►  May (1) ►  2009 (7) ►  November (1) ►  October (2) ►  September (3) ►  August (1) ►  2007 (46) ►  October (1) ►  September (1) ►  August (9) ►  July (5) ►  June (4) ►  May (9) ►  April (4) ►  March (2) ►  February (2) ►  January (9) ▼  2006 (148) ▼  December (3) Another year older holiday strife Fucked-up kind of wonderful ►  November (13) Un-make me/revised Spoken Funk...cross post from myspace *wink* expletive Wishing Breathe/revised Breathe bleh... is this true? hmm...you be the judge More insanity! Halloween...it's not just for kids! insomnia Within ►  October (11) PARTY RULES! Connections shadowed blather proud mama prepare the absence of want because I can't Beautiful Nightmare/revised buzz.... Beautiful Nightmare ►  September (10) In These Eyes PRAYERS PLEASE DON'T EVER DO THIS outta control sometimes.... *sigh* empath overdrive ghosts cross post Words confused ►  August (13) what a busy day. omg!! finally!! what the heck, man?! fireworks gun-metal gray/or sepia..... myspace cross-post. A day at the beach yeah...this is me! But only to those that "GET" it... Trolls! Get 'em while they're hot! Super Busy!! per-verse/ myspace crosspost Caramel Kisses and Champagne making up for lost time Beachside Poetry ►  July (11) accapella survey thingy Mutant Zucchini Almost a cross post from my myspace blog Holy Moly!! Success my paintings!! waiting for the breakdown Erin's painting crosspost from myspace ►  June (22) a reading of naked summer storm Naked Summer Storm TIME CRUNCH *sigh* what a week a cross post from my myspace blog one of those songs my voice In the silence In the Silence messenger Grr... Daisies-odeo recording Insomnia Concrete Jungle Museless in So Cal-a crosspost from Moontown from my myspace blog Well...I won't be doing THAT again! ►  May (14) ►  April (11) ►  March (23) ►  February (17) About Me westcoastmama I'm a very proud mother of four wonderful children. They are the best and my moving force. LIFE HAS BEEN ONE ROLLERCOASTER AFTER ANOTHER, BUT I'M STILL STANDING ON MY OWN TWO FEET. I HAVE TOO MUCH RIDING ON ME TO LET THIS WEIGH ME DOWN. PRAYERS ARE WELCOME AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF.... I'M UNEMPLOYED, BUT I write for www.promiseoflight.com. Visit my private pages "Mary's Hideaway" and "Angel Speak"...you won't be sorry....AND, I've started my own jewelry business...GOOD THINGS ARE YET TO COME! View my complete profile Links Google News Ethereal theme. Theme images by 1Photodiva. Powered by Blogger.