I forgot to share this bad-ass commercial that my son, John, did. Yes, this is all JOHN. Check it out!
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Thursday, May 24, 2007
The damn broke...
I've been writing insanely and almost manic to a point. (Okay...maybe I am just a little, but no doctor has to tell me that! lol)
Here's what's been going through my mind. So much to tell, not enough time to tell it.
safety
Current mood: wishing for relief
I can barely see it.
If I squint really hard,
I can make out an outline of...of...
something far beyond my reach
I used to know what that was
It beacons me
this thing that's almost shapeless
but, I KNOW what it is
I can sense it
safety comes to mind
It's been so long
(not really)
that I feel out of control
It's the money talking again
SHUT THE HELL UP!
I hate that I need it
but the world revolves coz
money don't grow on trees
it's made of blood and tears
a lot of them mine,
but who's counting?
That's why I bust my ass
and what is there to show?
A busted nose and skinned knees
and a timeworn face
with honest, lonely eyes
You know, when I started writing this, I had a really romantic image in my head. You know, two people wrapped in a circle of safety within each others arms. That was the image I was trying to build on. I know I'm tired, but I didn't realize how much. I feel so retarded. I've gone into my class to work on my assignment three times this week and have just been so unsuccessful. Perhaps it's the lack of motivation and the overwhelming sense to run and hide is getting to me. So much on my mind...no...TOO much on my mind. I should have been asleep too, but I can't shut the thoughts off. Ah, well...look at all the writing I've done. I'm finally able to purge creatively again.
On another note, it looks like I'm going to be commissioned to do an art piece for a friend. I'm rather excited about that fact. It will bring in a much needed cash flow. I so need it.
I got my flight itinerary today. It's going to be interesting and tiring, everyone says, but I can't wait. I have to work on a special project tomorrow at work. I'm going to try and close my eyes now. Good night, everyone. God bless you all. Please pray for me and my family. We can use all the blessings.
Until tomorrow...
10:46 PM
within
Current mood: inspired
Category: inspired Writing and Poetry
A PUZZLE WITHIN A MAZE
WHISPERS BEHIND THE CURTAIN
LIPS TO FINGERTIPS
SECRETS ARE UNFOLDING
WHAT DO THEY SEE
AS THEY STARE INTO CLOUDS
LIGHTNING OR THE PROMISE
OF RAIN...
THE RHYMER KNOWS THE ANSWER
HE IS THE ONE WHO LISTENS
BEYOND THE CRASHING OF THUNDER
HE HEARS THE FLUTTER OF DRAGONFLY
WINGS
Thank you to a very special friend. I was challenged and inspired
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
In Coming
Current mood: hopeful
Category: hopeful Writing and Poetry
I'd thought that lifetime meant forever-
it's just a breath of a millenium
in the blink of Gods eye
so slow in coming
yet so easily left behind
I've been buried in the sand
locked in an amber chamber
of should-have-done
a fossilized dream,
I crumble when exposed
self awareness is overrated
true love-an illusion
in the darkness of "I wish" secrets hide
slither-hither round the throat
in coming, I fight
Yet, moonlight whispers soft
and finds I am the platinum lining
in that blue gray cloud
that was trapped in his hand
9:47 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos
Told ya I've been writing a lot!
Here's what's been going through my mind. So much to tell, not enough time to tell it.
safety
Current mood: wishing for relief
I can barely see it.
If I squint really hard,
I can make out an outline of...of...
something far beyond my reach
I used to know what that was
It beacons me
this thing that's almost shapeless
but, I KNOW what it is
I can sense it
safety comes to mind
It's been so long
(not really)
that I feel out of control
It's the money talking again
SHUT THE HELL UP!
I hate that I need it
but the world revolves coz
money don't grow on trees
it's made of blood and tears
a lot of them mine,
but who's counting?
That's why I bust my ass
and what is there to show?
A busted nose and skinned knees
and a timeworn face
with honest, lonely eyes
You know, when I started writing this, I had a really romantic image in my head. You know, two people wrapped in a circle of safety within each others arms. That was the image I was trying to build on. I know I'm tired, but I didn't realize how much. I feel so retarded. I've gone into my class to work on my assignment three times this week and have just been so unsuccessful. Perhaps it's the lack of motivation and the overwhelming sense to run and hide is getting to me. So much on my mind...no...TOO much on my mind. I should have been asleep too, but I can't shut the thoughts off. Ah, well...look at all the writing I've done. I'm finally able to purge creatively again.
On another note, it looks like I'm going to be commissioned to do an art piece for a friend. I'm rather excited about that fact. It will bring in a much needed cash flow. I so need it.
I got my flight itinerary today. It's going to be interesting and tiring, everyone says, but I can't wait. I have to work on a special project tomorrow at work. I'm going to try and close my eyes now. Good night, everyone. God bless you all. Please pray for me and my family. We can use all the blessings.
Until tomorrow...
10:46 PM
within
Current mood: inspired
Category: inspired Writing and Poetry
A PUZZLE WITHIN A MAZE
WHISPERS BEHIND THE CURTAIN
LIPS TO FINGERTIPS
SECRETS ARE UNFOLDING
WHAT DO THEY SEE
AS THEY STARE INTO CLOUDS
LIGHTNING OR THE PROMISE
OF RAIN...
THE RHYMER KNOWS THE ANSWER
HE IS THE ONE WHO LISTENS
BEYOND THE CRASHING OF THUNDER
HE HEARS THE FLUTTER OF DRAGONFLY
WINGS
Thank you to a very special friend. I was challenged and inspired
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
In Coming
Current mood: hopeful
Category: hopeful Writing and Poetry
I'd thought that lifetime meant forever-
it's just a breath of a millenium
in the blink of Gods eye
so slow in coming
yet so easily left behind
I've been buried in the sand
locked in an amber chamber
of should-have-done
a fossilized dream,
I crumble when exposed
self awareness is overrated
true love-an illusion
in the darkness of "I wish" secrets hide
slither-hither round the throat
in coming, I fight
Yet, moonlight whispers soft
and finds I am the platinum lining
in that blue gray cloud
that was trapped in his hand
9:47 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos
Told ya I've been writing a lot!
Sunday, May 20, 2007
bleck....
how can moods change so much from one day to the next. I hate this damn rollercoaster ride that I am on. LET ME THE HELL OFF, PLEASE!
Vesuvius/I Rage
Volcanic-I rage like Vesuvius
My passions are great
even for promises
that are not mine to keep
It should go without saying
but words must be spoken
Of lava, I am the one
that burns.
Disappointment scorches
peels flesh from bone-
I don't believe
there will be understanding
So I will smolder
until the air has gone
and I have been
snuffed out.
Vesuvius/I Rage
Volcanic-I rage like Vesuvius
My passions are great
even for promises
that are not mine to keep
It should go without saying
but words must be spoken
Of lava, I am the one
that burns.
Disappointment scorches
peels flesh from bone-
I don't believe
there will be understanding
So I will smolder
until the air has gone
and I have been
snuffed out.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
MOVING FORWARD!
So, I start school on Monday already!!! I am soooooo not ready, but I'm doing it anyway. *deep breath* Keep me in your prayers, everyone!!! I need it. School and traveling for work...wow...what have I gotten myself into?! lol
NOTHING BUT GOOD THINGS COMING MY WAY!!!
NOTHING BUT GOOD THINGS COMING MY WAY!!!
Thursday, May 17, 2007
another crosspost
of wicker baskets and hope.
Current mood: :-)
twisted and tied
entwined and encircled
by joys and of heartaches
my self, I define
the past and the present
a constant reminder
of who I am
and who I shall become
I've held much-
will hold much more
like wicker baskets
and hope...
Current mood: :-)
twisted and tied
entwined and encircled
by joys and of heartaches
my self, I define
the past and the present
a constant reminder
of who I am
and who I shall become
I've held much-
will hold much more
like wicker baskets
and hope...
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
a thought on Mother's Day/crosspost
My babies....knowing I did something right on Mother's Day
Current mood: tearfully blessed
Category: tearfully blessed Life
This year, so far has been especially hard. Having a 21 year partnership crumble in your hads is just not something anyone can easily deal with. He filed for divorce a week and a half after our anniversary. Ironic that we were married on Valentine's Day only for it to end right after. We stayed together for all the right reasons and we ended it for all the same right reasons.
Easter was rough, but I still made it a point to buy my babies a treat for their nonexistant basket. It was the first year I didn't make them anything and I felt like shit, but I made an effort because I am their mother and it wouldn't have been right. Telling the family was especially hard. My rlationship with everyone I held dear will never be the same. My "sisters" are lost to me. They're just sibblings to my soon-to-be ex and it kills me inside that I had to lose that. But, why I expected different just astounds me. I guess I was hoping they'd react more like me? Wishful thinking on my part yet again.
This Mother's Day was so hard. I had to play happy-happy when inwardly I was dying a painfully slow death. There were so many things my children said to me that were both so painfully true and so supportive at the same time. They have always been my strength. I have always been their greatest supports. On that day they showed me all the love and support I'd given was truly being returned. Mike treated me, Rich and Rose to brunch. Rose said something only a 14 year old could say because she is wise beyond her years, and Rich held me up with his silent strength. John could not be with us, but he made sure that I knew he was thinking about me. He sent me a text saying that he loved me and called later in the day. I am so very proud of my children. Even as I cry through this pain and trumoil, separated from the one I thought I'd grow old with, I am still strong. THEY ARE MY STRENGTH AND I AM BLESSED. Thank you, God, for showing that to me on Mother's Day
Current mood: tearfully blessed
Category: tearfully blessed Life
This year, so far has been especially hard. Having a 21 year partnership crumble in your hads is just not something anyone can easily deal with. He filed for divorce a week and a half after our anniversary. Ironic that we were married on Valentine's Day only for it to end right after. We stayed together for all the right reasons and we ended it for all the same right reasons.
Easter was rough, but I still made it a point to buy my babies a treat for their nonexistant basket. It was the first year I didn't make them anything and I felt like shit, but I made an effort because I am their mother and it wouldn't have been right. Telling the family was especially hard. My rlationship with everyone I held dear will never be the same. My "sisters" are lost to me. They're just sibblings to my soon-to-be ex and it kills me inside that I had to lose that. But, why I expected different just astounds me. I guess I was hoping they'd react more like me? Wishful thinking on my part yet again.
This Mother's Day was so hard. I had to play happy-happy when inwardly I was dying a painfully slow death. There were so many things my children said to me that were both so painfully true and so supportive at the same time. They have always been my strength. I have always been their greatest supports. On that day they showed me all the love and support I'd given was truly being returned. Mike treated me, Rich and Rose to brunch. Rose said something only a 14 year old could say because she is wise beyond her years, and Rich held me up with his silent strength. John could not be with us, but he made sure that I knew he was thinking about me. He sent me a text saying that he loved me and called later in the day. I am so very proud of my children. Even as I cry through this pain and trumoil, separated from the one I thought I'd grow old with, I am still strong. THEY ARE MY STRENGTH AND I AM BLESSED. Thank you, God, for showing that to me on Mother's Day
Sunday, May 13, 2007
*sigh*
I guess perfection just wasn't in the mix
time to move out of the electric chair
for a shocker somewhere else???
What the hell is dating anyway?
I'm afraid to find out
I used to be so fearless.
Getting burned can do that
to a person
Crawl, then walk then run, I guess
But who will catch me when I fall?
time to move out of the electric chair
for a shocker somewhere else???
What the hell is dating anyway?
I'm afraid to find out
I used to be so fearless.
Getting burned can do that
to a person
Crawl, then walk then run, I guess
But who will catch me when I fall?
Cross post from myspace/consumed
busted a mutha*****ng rant
Current mood: bitter remains
I'm just a child of nature-
a kind a loving killer of my worth
love everything till nothing's left
for myself still dangling...
Stupid ass shit hanging over my head
not able to let go
consequences out of my control
still I roll...onward...forward
off the edge of a cliff
I fall
Broke like a fuckin' egg, I did
spilled my soul
all over the jagged rocks below
and you laughed as I tumbled
and spit on my remains
Don't smile at me
Just......
disappear
I am consumed by the hatred of myself. Why can't I just freaking let go of the past. I get so pissed off that I can't just move on. I am in the middle of a divorce and, even though it isn't final, my husband of 21 years has so easily found a way to move so quickly away from me...from family, from us. I can't even begin to understand what the hell being single means. Our entire adult lives encompassed us and that's gone. I want it all to go away. Just fade to black and never to return. I wish I could just remember my children, their lives and nothing of him. Please God...help me forget. Death would have been easier to mourn....was easier....I lost two babies during my marriage and we never talked about it. It hurt so damn much knowing there should have been more babies to hold, to nurse and to nurture. Now, I know that they are the lucky ones. My children now suffer a loss that is named Divorce.
I CAN'T DO THIS. I HATE FEELING SO OUT OF CONTROL. EVERYTIME I THINK I'M TAKING STEPS FORWARD, I FALL FLAT ON MY BACK ABOUT A MILE FROM WHERE I BEGAN. I was so strong before. I'm not strong. I'm not...and I hurt. I just want to give up. Just once can I be weak?
Current mood: bitter remains
I'm just a child of nature-
a kind a loving killer of my worth
love everything till nothing's left
for myself still dangling...
Stupid ass shit hanging over my head
not able to let go
consequences out of my control
still I roll...onward...forward
off the edge of a cliff
I fall
Broke like a fuckin' egg, I did
spilled my soul
all over the jagged rocks below
and you laughed as I tumbled
and spit on my remains
Don't smile at me
Just......
disappear
I am consumed by the hatred of myself. Why can't I just freaking let go of the past. I get so pissed off that I can't just move on. I am in the middle of a divorce and, even though it isn't final, my husband of 21 years has so easily found a way to move so quickly away from me...from family, from us. I can't even begin to understand what the hell being single means. Our entire adult lives encompassed us and that's gone. I want it all to go away. Just fade to black and never to return. I wish I could just remember my children, their lives and nothing of him. Please God...help me forget. Death would have been easier to mourn....was easier....I lost two babies during my marriage and we never talked about it. It hurt so damn much knowing there should have been more babies to hold, to nurse and to nurture. Now, I know that they are the lucky ones. My children now suffer a loss that is named Divorce.
I CAN'T DO THIS. I HATE FEELING SO OUT OF CONTROL. EVERYTIME I THINK I'M TAKING STEPS FORWARD, I FALL FLAT ON MY BACK ABOUT A MILE FROM WHERE I BEGAN. I was so strong before. I'm not strong. I'm not...and I hurt. I just want to give up. Just once can I be weak?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)