I love the mix of soft esses and hard kay and pee sounds in S1. It really does well to contrast the pleasant and unpleasant aspects of S1's subject.
S2, in it's shorter more halting lines, perfectly signifies the jumble of emotions that are described.
My only hang up is S3 - I think it would be more effective if the lines flowed more smoothly there, to accentuate the beauty (the acceptance?) of the ending.
LOL!! I love you, Erin and you're right. This was so raw when I posted it. I didn't even MEAN to write it, ya know? I think you'll like S3 now...tell me what you think. *smooches*
4 comments:
I'm having a flash of the old Erin...
I love the mix of soft esses and hard kay and pee sounds in S1. It really does well to contrast the pleasant and unpleasant aspects of S1's subject.
S2, in it's shorter more halting lines, perfectly signifies the jumble of emotions that are described.
My only hang up is S3 - I think it would be more effective if the lines flowed more smoothly there, to accentuate the beauty (the acceptance?) of the ending.
eye <3 u
*hug*
~E
LOL!! I love you, Erin and you're right. This was so raw when I posted it. I didn't even MEAN to write it, ya know? I think you'll like S3 now...tell me what you think. *smooches*
Wait a minute. This is the better version. Poetry doesn't always have to be "smooth."
As I said on my space, this is thinking outside your own box poetry. something that is well worth the exploration.
In short, I disagree.
lol...I like both versions. However the revised one (up there) says so much more about....."me"
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