sometimes....

Okay, so you all know that I've been writing for quite a long time, thanks to the coaxing of some very supportive friends. I've been working on several things at once because I can't seem to get focused on just ONE thing, even though that would be the best, probably the easiest and most logical thing for me, right? Pishh...who said I was easy?! lol...Yeah. Yeah....I'm a goober too, but you like me anyway. So I pulled out some of my old notebooks from, like, three years ago and read over some of my stuff. OMG...I was surprised. The questions, like "did I really write this? This is so good!" and "WHY the hell didn't I finish this?" came to mind WAAAYY too many times. So, granted they all seemed a bit on the mushy side (I'm a sap and a hopeless romantic), to me anyway, and on the flipside, a tragic love story, but they moved and I didn't want to stop reading. I wanted to find out what happened next! So, the little scene and dialogue that's next is what came to mind. So strange...my OWN writing and a small phone message inspired this. Anyway, it's an imagined conversation between two characters....



It had been months since they'd last spoken. It was a nice meeting, lots of laughter and longing, but the reunion was shortlived and the happiness a calm, for turmoil was to come. She had been in love with him so long. She couldn't even remember the last time she took a breath and didn't think of him. To this day she knows when he's been in her circle. She knew why he did it. She was too needy, too ready to show how much she loved him and he was scared. Scared that he'd never be able to let her go.

He'd never admit to anyone that he'd fallen so in love that it hurt to be without her, not to touch her, not to kiss her, not to make love to her. He was weak and he knew it. They both knew it. So, he did what he thought he had to do to chase her away. He had to do it. He had to break her spirit, so they could both let go.



"I don't love you, I love her."



Those were the words she heard over and over again along with others she couldn't even bear to hear in her own mind. All she ever did was love him...still love him


The ringing of the phone shook her from her dark thoughts. She answered without giving it a second thought as to whom might be calling. It was him.

Hello?

~Yo, it's me.

She was in shock. It had to be that because she couldn't possibly be hearing the voice that has haunted her in both the sleeping and the waking hours.


Yes?

~Yeah, well, I'm here and I....I just...I don't know....

I do. You wanted to apologize for hurting me the way you did and you didn't know what else to do because you felt that I was holding you back somehow. Is that it?

~Yes and no, I mean...the apology...Um...I had to do it. I was afraid I'd lose my little girl....that I'd

She interrupts him tersely


I understand why you did it. You would have been caught in a lie that would have blown up in your face and the only thing to do was get rid of the evidence! ("Oh, God. Don't!" She screamed at herself)


She starts again, trying to control her hysteria.


No! Please...don't hang up. I somehow knew you were close. I'd been thinking about you for days and I...I wanted to tell you that, I do understand. I'd told you before that you could tell me anything and you still can. I thought you knew that. I...I just want you to be honest with me. I swear I'll fade to black if that's what you really want. I swear. Just...don't disappear like that.


Her shoulders slumped in defeat. Her hand ached from gripping the receiver so tightly. She'd never felt so helpless...so useless. It was her fault. She gave and he took it all without a second thought. But, if she had to do it all again, she would, because she loved him...still loves him...though she'll never say it again to him, unless he asked to hear those words.


~I'm sorry. I wanted to call you a million times. I just didn't know what to say or what YOU would say! I'm a bastard and I'm sorry. I just wanted to talk to you. Can we meet somewhere? I have something for you.


"If it's another broken heart, I don't want it." She thought to herself "This one, I'm still trying to glue back together".


~No tricks, just talk


~"Please, God. Let her say yes." he pleaded silently~


A long drawn out silence followed


Where? She finally said and an audible sigh of relief came from the
other side of the phone.


~At the coffee shop where we used to go at around 8:00 p.m.?


I'll call you when I'm on the way.





Okay, tell me. Is this something you all would consider reading if I finished the damn thing? :-) Just send me a message and let me know. Maybe you have some suggestions....yeah...Gotta go! I'm being called to dinner.