Life and it's ironies....

I was reminded by my mom today that they were supposed to be in the Philippines for a funeral. *sigh* The past week has been a rough one both mentally and physically...let me back up about 4 week so you all can understand what I'm talking about.

I got a phone call from my mom telling me that one of my uncles, Uncle Allen was really sick. He'd been in and out of the hospital for a few weeks, going through dialysis at least 4 times a week because his kidneys were failing. Anyway, he wasn't doing very well and he really wanted my parents to come and visit. He was under the impression that he was on his last leg of the journey and he really wanted them to be there. My mom and uncle were really close. Anyway, a few days later my mom calls again and tells me that my Uncle Ariel (Uncle Allen's twin) is coming back to the Philippines from Japan to give one of his kidneys to his brother. So we were all pretty relieved after hearing that news. My parents were to go back home when my uncles' surgery was scheduled. Here's where the twist comes in. My mom called me last Sunday as we're heading to church and tells me that my Uncle ARIEL passed away. At first I was confused and I thought it was my uncle with the kidney problems, but nooo...my mom cleared up the confusion and said that my Uncle Ariel (the healthy one) died in the hospital of pneumonia!! OMG! I guess I wasn't the only one that was confused. Everyone kept calling and sending their condolences about my Uncle Allen. He had to keep telling everyone, "No. I'm still here. It was my brother!" To make things worse, they couldn't harvest the kidney because the infection spread to all his organs making the donor organ unacceptable. So, now he's in a worse situation. He's lost a brother and is now back on the list of folks waiting for a kidney donor.

They were both so excited to be seeing my parents before all this happened . They kept asking about me and my brother and my mom told them about my kids and Jaime's kids and how she was going to bring a ton of pictures to show them while they were recovering...oh, God...this is hard to write. My uncle was only nine years older that I am. What the fuck am I doing here? I want to go to the Philippines so bad. I want to see my family and visit my grandma....she's gonna be 89 this year. There's a big family reunion scheduled for the end of July and I can't go. There's no way that we could possibly even think of going at $1100.00 a pop per person for my family of 5. Oh, and did I mention even if I attempted to go, I may not have a job when I came back? So many wonderful things are going for me right now but, on the flip-side, this....*sigh*....this is when I could just scream until I had no voice...or sing until I had no voice.....either way it would be therapeutic...ah and did I mention the fact that I'm feeling lost while in the middle of all this?! I suppose it's a good thing that I am working. I can keep my mind on something else for the meantime.....Pray for me and for my family.....there's a lot more going on, but I don't have enough time tonight to write about it.