wahoo!!

I'm going to MI-A-MI! I'm going to MI-A-MI!! I CAN'T WAIT! I CAN HARDLY WAIT. NO, REALLY...I CAN'T! LMAO!

I SO NEED THIS VACATION. GONNA HOOK UP WITH MY GIRLS AND GET MY DANCE ON. THIS ISLAND GIRL'S GONNA SHOW 'EM HOW TO SWING!!! LOL

Sheesh...I haven't been on a vacation-a real one by myself-in almost 6 years. The hotel is right off the beach in the ART DECO district. Hmm, how appropriate! It's oober cute too. I'm gonna spend the first day at the beach, I think. At least, that's what I'm figuring. The girls and I are gonna have to collaborate and figure out an itinerary. I have a feeling we're not going to sleep much. I wish I was getting there Thursday morning like they are. :-/ But, oh well. I can't have everything, but dang, this is a GREAT start! This is gonna be a really long two weeks.

WHO CARES?! I'M GOING TO MIAMI!!!


Yeah, yeah...I know. You can all call me a dork later, but for now, I'm looking forward to some fun in the sun! Okie-dokie pokie! I'm gonna go finish some laundry before heading out to work! HAVE A TREMENDOUS WEEK END!!!

one more thing

I AM HERE
Current mood: touched
from my myspace blog

TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE ONE KINDNESS AT A TIME. I know this...have been told by so many and by God....this is my calling. I stretch myself to the edges of the world with my words and in my deeds. Someone once called me "earth mother"... (thank you, MikeC)and I really thought about it. I even wrote about it and, for the life of me, I can't find it!!! Ah, well...anyway, it somehow fits. Child of God, mother and kin to all. heh...I'm being too philosophical today, I think.


*sigh* I don't know. There is just something about today that has been weighing heavy and yet I feel somewhat freed. I'm sure that doesn't make any sense at all, but the words have been uttered, so to speak, and they cannot be retracted. The mode of life is just as hazy as ever, but so many bits of clarity have been gained. Wow...maybe I'm finally beginning to grow up! Geez, I hope not!



Also, I wrote this for Nova on the day of his funeral. I check on Erin everyday still. It's on my daily list of to-do's and I don't think that'll ever change. Anyway, I never posted it. It seems so unfinished, but, when I read it, completely appropriate. *sigh* Strange day today. So many mixed up emotions...to many highs and lows...but, anyway, here it is.

The Welcoming


The earth welcomes him

there

amidst the shadows
where the sunlight streams
between the willow branches

the air, calm-not-at-all
like the pounding of my heart

We do not mourn him

He is free

We mourn ourselves
and what we may become without

him

Arrgghh!!

Blogger ate my post last night! Grr... Oh, well. All I did was whine anyway so you didn't miss anything. I can't help it if I've been feeling a little down and overwhelmed lately. I do have to say that breakfast with my friends from high school was wonderful. Some much has changed and yet so much has stayed the same. I'm so glad that we connected.

On another note, I signed up with Odeo. I can't wait to play around with it. I think it'll be a blast. That and the fact that I was able to finish a poem today made me very happy. It's a sad little ditty, but what do I care. My my long lost muse came to call and left me with something that I really love. Yup...he sure did. Um, I hope you like it just as much as I do. I sure felt good to write it, I must say. Hope you all have a wonderful day. I am taking it slloooowww...lol!



CRUSHED VELVET


I listened for the phone to ring
all day yesterday
and the day before
and the day before that

I don't really know
what I expected, hoped, prayed...
not that you would care to know,
or would you?

You were the one to break
the silence

Stupid woman that I am
my heart too forgiving to remember
how quickly you forget

Yet, still I wait
with nothing but a mechanical hum
in the background-
your voice echoing in my head

And, I,
a lighter shade of blue,
am cast aside once again...

just another piece of crushed velvet

Having breakfast with an old friend

Okay...you all know how myspace is everywhere. I too have an account! lol. A friend of mine from HIGH SCHOOL found me and we've been emailing back and forth for a few days now. It's been 18 years since I've seen him. Geez...I can't believe it's been that long. A lot has changed and we're going to catch up. My best and oldest friend from Junior High is coming along. This should be a blast!!! Gotta go! I have to hunt down some pictures for this mini reunion.

exhale

he exhaled the cosmos in one breath

and I watched silently

he filled the night sky with

no-never-minds

and still I watched

moondust flew in the form of a cyclone

I was awed

And, with one whisper from my

softly parted lips,

he took my soul and scattered it

among the stars

A dose of melancholy/an exorcism

Today was, in so many ways, an absolutely gorgeous day. I spent it with my kids and one of my nephews. We went to an outdoor shopping center and just enjoyed the sun. It's so hard to get everyone together anymore. They're all growing up so fast. *sigh*

But, now, as I sit in front of this screen just after midnight, so many, many things keep running through my mind. I tried to go to sleep about an hour ago and did nothing but stare at the ceiling. The house is quiet, everything is hushed and still other than the computer noise and the fountain in the background. I can't get my mind to slow down let alone stop so I can get some rest. The pages of the past keep flipping in front of my eyes every time I try to close them. It's different in the light of day, you know? Thoughts are more easily controlled, surpressed...but, when darkness comes, they run rampant. All logic seems to flee and nothing but raw emotion is left. The what-if's, could've-been's and should've been's roam free and choke me. All I beg is for silence from within my head...silence so I can sleep.........



dear so and so,

you know me so well, yet you try to forget me. i lived so long for you. what do i do now? you didn't say good bye. i never asked for an explanation. i just knew you had to leave-you knew you had to leave, but, just this once, i needed to hear good-bye. maybe then, i would have hurt less. i do understand, you know. but, understanding doesn't lessen the pain. you are such a part of me still...you helped make me who i am...but, you don't want to hear it. So, what do i do? i spill my soul here, hide my pain and sorrow in plain view, purge and exorcise the demons you so gladly left behind and i let you...i let you...

it's nearing one now...my eyes are heavy, but my heart is heavier. you can still hear my thoughts...sense me just as i can sense you, only not as strong as before....you are beginning
to forgot and, silly me, i cannot.


I will attempt to sleep once more. I pray this time that I am successful. It seems that I am my own demon. Where ever I go, I am there....no where to run. Face myself and accept me for who I am, how I was made and what I am to become. I can do no more, but I cannot, no, will not expect less of myself. I am my fortress. I AM STRENGTH.....God is my shield

Another craft other than writing

So, I haven't been able to complete a damn thing. I have lots of things started as far as writing, but the conclusion; the tug that I'm looking for well, that just isn't happening. *sigh* Perhaps I'm trying too hard right now.

I did something new today. Well, okay, not new, but something that I haven't done in years. I just wanted to share it with you. I'm kind of proud of it. This pic isn't very good, but the other one is. I'll post that one later. :-) I sculpted this rose out of clay. It took me about 30 minutes. Not too bad for something I haven't done in about 10 years, eh? I have a bunch of other projects floating around in this mind of mine along with all the writing I intend to do! Grr...maybe that's why I can't seem to complete a poem.

I have so much going on right now. The end of the school year is quickly approaching and this time EVERY year gets absolutely nuts for us. The kids are on cram mode because of the teachers which means mom and dad are on high alert! Arrgghh!! Didn't I do school already? lol Sheesh! Anyway, I just thought I'd post something. I'm trying not to do anything that requires too much thought at the moment. My brain is about to explode, ya know? I shall return with even MORE!!

*sigh*

I've neglected my own blog. I do have things that I need to post, but the lack of motivation at the moment is making it rather difficult. Perhaps, after Easter weekend all will be better. I'll hope for that. Today, however, I am in a more contemplative mood, so I don't think anything will get done today....not in a creative way that I'd like, anyway. I'm gonna eat some breakfast now. I have to go to work, even though all I want to do is paint. Grr....I'll be back later. Besides...too many thoughts of the Le Clair family on my mind. I'd rather think about them anyway than work. Work thoughts and my issues are trivial anyway. Writers block and other frustrations with the world don't count. I shall return on a more positive note!

Hope

I just wanted to share with you something that my husband, Juan wrote for Erin. He was so moved and compelled by Nova's story. The little guy blessed us in so many ways. This was for Nova.



"He was so small, so beautiful, so full of hope and promise. What a blessing he has been to all of us who knew him these few months. He taught us to love, to hope, beyond expectation, to trust in that which is unseen. He drew us together in our anxiety, our moments of dispairing and hopelessness as well as in our joys and delight, and in his every breath. His life ended prematurely, just so had he been born. Too soon he died. We wept, the tears continue. We hugged and held one another. The pain will always linger and hearts emptier for his absence and the unfulfilled he promised, but the love he brought into our lives will live forever. Thank you for giving him to us. Thank you for the love we would never have known, but for his and his brief days with us. Thank Nova, our blessed child of grace."


Erin and I spoke for an hour tonight. It was wonderful to hear her voice and just to know that she's okay. These are her words, everyone. "I want everyone to know that I'm okay and not to worry." I promise, that's what she said! She really is. That's not to say that we didn't have our fits of blubbering, but we also laughed A LOT. The family's needs have been met by such a wonderful outpouring of support and love. They are so thankful, but I also wanted to say how truly grateful I am. My faith and hope for mankind has been renewed a thousand times over these past few weeks. Nova was a little miracle, but he left us with one GREAT big miracle......hope

A Moment-for Nova

Nova's fight ended today in the warmth and comfort of his mothers loving embrace. We have all been enriched by the short, but wonderful life of this little one who's light is now being shared with the stars. God now cradles his beauty in the crook of his hands. He no longer has to fight and feels no pain. Let us all take a moment to say a prayer and thanks for letting us bask in his wonderful glow even if for just a short moment in time.

Nova, we love you. Erin and Scott.....you and the kids are and will always be in our thoughts and prayers.


With love,

Mary

something I've been working on.

I'm dealing with a bit of writers overload. *sigh* I can't stand it! I have so much on my mind and I just can't seem to let it all go. Anyway, this is something I've been working on for a couple of days now. I like it so far, but it's still missing something. I have an idea what it is, but I haven't quite figured out how to put it in. I know. I know....revise. Revise. REVISE!

Anyway, here it is.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thinking of you as the raindrops fall
Listening for foosteps in the hall
Candleglow and firelight, I recall
Thinking of you as the raindrops fall

Shattered memories when I hear your name
Being here without you's not the same
Staring out my window, life's a game
Shattered memories when I hear your name

Do you think of me, or not at all
when the wind blows cold and leaves, they fall?
As Autumn kisses run to Winter's call
do you think of me, or not at all?

I thought that I could let you go
as rainfall turns to silent snow
while days slip by so sad and slow
I thought that I could let you go

I am just a lonesome grain of sand
that once rested, nestled in your hand
mixing now with earth upon the land
I am just a lonesome grain of sand

Were it not for you, my eyes would not be open
so I keep these thoughts of you, a token
though my heart still bleeds for it's still broken, yet
were it not for you, my eyes would not be open

I am sure that you still feel for me
a bond that will not set you free
ever-promised loved, a certainty
I am sure that you still feel for me

If days and nights don't seem to end
and you're in need of just a friend
a warm embrace, shoulder I'll lend
if days and nights don't seem to end

My care for you is ever strong
and love so right cannot be wrong
these are my words, my lonely song
my care for you, forever strong.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


OMG! I THINK I FINISHED IT! THIS COULD GO ON FOREVER, BUT I THINK I'LL END IT LIKE THIS....*BIG SIGH*...WHAT A RELIEF.