Perfect
You were, to me,
so perfect
Even in your woeful ways,
so perfect,
in the eyes
of this beholder
Simple
Every little thing
so simple
In this love, so rare,
so simple
in the eyes
of this beholder
Little did I know
it was a lie
Everything inside me
was so twisted
every little bit
of you, so blurry
within the eyes
of this beholder
You were the one-
I was for you
Above, below
so simply perfect
in the eyes
of this beholder-
in these eyes
of mine
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
PRAYERS PLEASE
My sister-in-law, Kim, has had another stroke. This is mild in comparison to the one that almost took her from us, but it's a stroke just the same. Please send positive thoughts and prayers to her and her family. My nephews and niece need their mommy. Thank you all.
DON'T EVER DO THIS
Okay...for those of you who don't have children yet, listen carefully, coz if I ever find out you let this happen, I'll have to kick your ass myself!!
Round 1
I had this woman, and I use the term loosely, come into my department looking for a frame. She came in with her daughter who couldn't have been older than 18 months, a toddler for cryin' out loud! Anyway, she's asking me all these questions about a frame which I don't have and in the meanwhile, she puts this toddler down and proceeds to turn her back on her while speaking to me! OMG!! First of all, you don't put a toddler down in a frame department (OR anywhere else unattended point of fact!). HELLO...LOTS OF GLASS AND FRAMED ARTWORK ON EASELS!! The baby's running around, mom doesn't know what the baby is getting into and I'M freaking out because I CAN'T SEE THE BABY and said woman is completely oblivious to the fact that her daughter is launching herself against these 24X36" frames and the only thing that's separating her little body from a lite of glass is a piece of CELLOPHANE!!! GEEZ!! So, what does this woman reprimand the little one about? Playing with my chime because it was making noise. LET HER PLAY WITH THE FREAKING CHIME!! AT LEAST YOU KNOW WHERE SHE IS. THE CHIMES ARE SAFE COMPARED TO THE FRAMES! That was the first time she paid any attention to her after she'd put the baby down and I'd already been talking to woman for more than five minutes! A freaking child could drown in less than that! GRR.....Anyway, she decides to go out to her car to bring the photo to see if any other frame, other than the options I gave her, would work.
Round 2
Said "woman" comes back in with rolled photo and toddler again. Proceeds to put the baby down AGAIN to see if other frame would work and all I could think about was WHY DOES SHE HAVE HER BACK TURNED TO THIS BABY?! SHE'S GOING TO GET HURT! Even before I could complete the thought of "She's going to drop something on herself" and TELL THIS BITCH TO GRAB HER KID the baby throws herself against an easel and the framed piece of art falls forward, the glass breaks on the baby's head and pins her under it. That's when "mom" finally turns around to pick up her daughter to check if she's okay. SHE'S SO EFFIN' LUCKY THE GLASS DIDN'T SHATTER! Oh! And the kicker...she was pissed 'cause her daughter had a shard of glass stuck in her hairline that she couldn't get out! NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF SHE WAS TAKING CARE OF HER KID LIKE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! AAAARRRRGGGHH!!! It's not my job to babysit and to teach parenting! SHE HAS NO COMMON SENSE!! She knew she was wrong. Her stupid ass when straight to the front door...didn't even bother filing an accident report 'cause she knew it was HER fault and we would've reported her to child services. OMG! I was pissed for hours. It's a good thing Teresa came to the back right after it happened. She saw the whole thing. IF she hadn't come back there, I'd have cussed that woman out and that would've been the end of my job. GEEZ!! PEOPLE, GET A FREAKING CLUE! UGH! And all this in the span of two minutes after she came back into the store and put her daughter down.
Man...my kids never pulled anything on top of themselves or knocked anything on the floor or broke anything. I never LOST any of them either because I kept them close and where I could see them for their safety and well being and my sanity! I just don't understand people *sigh* Sorry...thanks for letting me rant.
Round 1
I had this woman, and I use the term loosely, come into my department looking for a frame. She came in with her daughter who couldn't have been older than 18 months, a toddler for cryin' out loud! Anyway, she's asking me all these questions about a frame which I don't have and in the meanwhile, she puts this toddler down and proceeds to turn her back on her while speaking to me! OMG!! First of all, you don't put a toddler down in a frame department (OR anywhere else unattended point of fact!). HELLO...LOTS OF GLASS AND FRAMED ARTWORK ON EASELS!! The baby's running around, mom doesn't know what the baby is getting into and I'M freaking out because I CAN'T SEE THE BABY and said woman is completely oblivious to the fact that her daughter is launching herself against these 24X36" frames and the only thing that's separating her little body from a lite of glass is a piece of CELLOPHANE!!! GEEZ!! So, what does this woman reprimand the little one about? Playing with my chime because it was making noise. LET HER PLAY WITH THE FREAKING CHIME!! AT LEAST YOU KNOW WHERE SHE IS. THE CHIMES ARE SAFE COMPARED TO THE FRAMES! That was the first time she paid any attention to her after she'd put the baby down and I'd already been talking to woman for more than five minutes! A freaking child could drown in less than that! GRR.....Anyway, she decides to go out to her car to bring the photo to see if any other frame, other than the options I gave her, would work.
Round 2
Said "woman" comes back in with rolled photo and toddler again. Proceeds to put the baby down AGAIN to see if other frame would work and all I could think about was WHY DOES SHE HAVE HER BACK TURNED TO THIS BABY?! SHE'S GOING TO GET HURT! Even before I could complete the thought of "She's going to drop something on herself" and TELL THIS BITCH TO GRAB HER KID the baby throws herself against an easel and the framed piece of art falls forward, the glass breaks on the baby's head and pins her under it. That's when "mom" finally turns around to pick up her daughter to check if she's okay. SHE'S SO EFFIN' LUCKY THE GLASS DIDN'T SHATTER! Oh! And the kicker...she was pissed 'cause her daughter had a shard of glass stuck in her hairline that she couldn't get out! NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF SHE WAS TAKING CARE OF HER KID LIKE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! AAAARRRRGGGHH!!! It's not my job to babysit and to teach parenting! SHE HAS NO COMMON SENSE!! She knew she was wrong. Her stupid ass when straight to the front door...didn't even bother filing an accident report 'cause she knew it was HER fault and we would've reported her to child services. OMG! I was pissed for hours. It's a good thing Teresa came to the back right after it happened. She saw the whole thing. IF she hadn't come back there, I'd have cussed that woman out and that would've been the end of my job. GEEZ!! PEOPLE, GET A FREAKING CLUE! UGH! And all this in the span of two minutes after she came back into the store and put her daughter down.
Man...my kids never pulled anything on top of themselves or knocked anything on the floor or broke anything. I never LOST any of them either because I kept them close and where I could see them for their safety and well being and my sanity! I just don't understand people *sigh* Sorry...thanks for letting me rant.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
outta control
Chaos ran in circles
as the platypus played
in churning waters
I was lost in thought again
until I heard the angels speak
Morpheus was dreaming
He forgot to send me mine
I haven't slept much in forever-
too much pitter-patter on the brain
like ink dripping from the nib of a pen
inclinations splattered
across the wide screen "de mi mente"
there's fog covering the sunrise
and curtains refuse to open
Perhaps that is why I can't see
Refusal, plain and simple
And all I need...
a phone call from a long lost muse
and a shot of tequila to chase it down
as the platypus played
in churning waters
I was lost in thought again
until I heard the angels speak
Morpheus was dreaming
He forgot to send me mine
I haven't slept much in forever-
too much pitter-patter on the brain
like ink dripping from the nib of a pen
inclinations splattered
across the wide screen "de mi mente"
there's fog covering the sunrise
and curtains refuse to open
Perhaps that is why I can't see
Refusal, plain and simple
And all I need...
a phone call from a long lost muse
and a shot of tequila to chase it down
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
sometimes....
Okay, so you all know that I've been writing for quite a long time, thanks to the coaxing of some very supportive friends. I've been working on several things at once because I can't seem to get focused on just ONE thing, even though that would be the best, probably the easiest and most logical thing for me, right? Pishh...who said I was easy?! lol...Yeah. Yeah....I'm a goober too, but you like me anyway. So I pulled out some of my old notebooks from, like, three years ago and read over some of my stuff. OMG...I was surprised. The questions, like "did I really write this? This is so good!" and "WHY the hell didn't I finish this?" came to mind WAAAYY too many times. So, granted they all seemed a bit on the mushy side (I'm a sap and a hopeless romantic), to me anyway, and on the flipside, a tragic love story, but they moved and I didn't want to stop reading. I wanted to find out what happened next! So, the little scene and dialogue that's next is what came to mind. So strange...my OWN writing and a small phone message inspired this. Anyway, it's an imagined conversation between two characters....
It had been months since they'd last spoken. It was a nice meeting, lots of laughter and longing, but the reunion was shortlived and the happiness a calm, for turmoil was to come. She had been in love with him so long. She couldn't even remember the last time she took a breath and didn't think of him. To this day she knows when he's been in her circle. She knew why he did it. She was too needy, too ready to show how much she loved him and he was scared. Scared that he'd never be able to let her go.
He'd never admit to anyone that he'd fallen so in love that it hurt to be without her, not to touch her, not to kiss her, not to make love to her. He was weak and he knew it. They both knew it. So, he did what he thought he had to do to chase her away. He had to do it. He had to break her spirit, so they could both let go.
"I don't love you, I love her."
Those were the words she heard over and over again along with others she couldn't even bear to hear in her own mind. All she ever did was love him...still love him
The ringing of the phone shook her from her dark thoughts. She answered without giving it a second thought as to whom might be calling. It was him.
Hello?
~Yo, it's me.
She was in shock. It had to be that because she couldn't possibly be hearing the voice that has haunted her in both the sleeping and the waking hours.
Yes?
~Yeah, well, I'm here and I....I just...I don't know....
I do. You wanted to apologize for hurting me the way you did and you didn't know what else to do because you felt that I was holding you back somehow. Is that it?
~Yes and no, I mean...the apology...Um...I had to do it. I was afraid I'd lose my little girl....that I'd
She interrupts him tersely
I understand why you did it. You would have been caught in a lie that would have blown up in your face and the only thing to do was get rid of the evidence! ("Oh, God. Don't!" She screamed at herself)
She starts again, trying to control her hysteria.
No! Please...don't hang up. I somehow knew you were close. I'd been thinking about you for days and I...I wanted to tell you that, I do understand. I'd told you before that you could tell me anything and you still can. I thought you knew that. I...I just want you to be honest with me. I swear I'll fade to black if that's what you really want. I swear. Just...don't disappear like that.
Her shoulders slumped in defeat. Her hand ached from gripping the receiver so tightly. She'd never felt so helpless...so useless. It was her fault. She gave and he took it all without a second thought. But, if she had to do it all again, she would, because she loved him...still loves him...though she'll never say it again to him, unless he asked to hear those words.
~I'm sorry. I wanted to call you a million times. I just didn't know what to say or what YOU would say! I'm a bastard and I'm sorry. I just wanted to talk to you. Can we meet somewhere? I have something for you.
"If it's another broken heart, I don't want it." She thought to herself "This one, I'm still trying to glue back together".
~No tricks, just talk
~"Please, God. Let her say yes." he pleaded silently~
A long drawn out silence followed
Where? She finally said and an audible sigh of relief came from the
other side of the phone.
~At the coffee shop where we used to go at around 8:00 p.m.?
I'll call you when I'm on the way.
Okay, tell me. Is this something you all would consider reading if I finished the damn thing? :-) Just send me a message and let me know. Maybe you have some suggestions....yeah...Gotta go! I'm being called to dinner.
It had been months since they'd last spoken. It was a nice meeting, lots of laughter and longing, but the reunion was shortlived and the happiness a calm, for turmoil was to come. She had been in love with him so long. She couldn't even remember the last time she took a breath and didn't think of him. To this day she knows when he's been in her circle. She knew why he did it. She was too needy, too ready to show how much she loved him and he was scared. Scared that he'd never be able to let her go.
He'd never admit to anyone that he'd fallen so in love that it hurt to be without her, not to touch her, not to kiss her, not to make love to her. He was weak and he knew it. They both knew it. So, he did what he thought he had to do to chase her away. He had to do it. He had to break her spirit, so they could both let go.
"I don't love you, I love her."
Those were the words she heard over and over again along with others she couldn't even bear to hear in her own mind. All she ever did was love him...still love him
The ringing of the phone shook her from her dark thoughts. She answered without giving it a second thought as to whom might be calling. It was him.
Hello?
~Yo, it's me.
She was in shock. It had to be that because she couldn't possibly be hearing the voice that has haunted her in both the sleeping and the waking hours.
Yes?
~Yeah, well, I'm here and I....I just...I don't know....
I do. You wanted to apologize for hurting me the way you did and you didn't know what else to do because you felt that I was holding you back somehow. Is that it?
~Yes and no, I mean...the apology...Um...I had to do it. I was afraid I'd lose my little girl....that I'd
She interrupts him tersely
I understand why you did it. You would have been caught in a lie that would have blown up in your face and the only thing to do was get rid of the evidence! ("Oh, God. Don't!" She screamed at herself)
She starts again, trying to control her hysteria.
No! Please...don't hang up. I somehow knew you were close. I'd been thinking about you for days and I...I wanted to tell you that, I do understand. I'd told you before that you could tell me anything and you still can. I thought you knew that. I...I just want you to be honest with me. I swear I'll fade to black if that's what you really want. I swear. Just...don't disappear like that.
Her shoulders slumped in defeat. Her hand ached from gripping the receiver so tightly. She'd never felt so helpless...so useless. It was her fault. She gave and he took it all without a second thought. But, if she had to do it all again, she would, because she loved him...still loves him...though she'll never say it again to him, unless he asked to hear those words.
~I'm sorry. I wanted to call you a million times. I just didn't know what to say or what YOU would say! I'm a bastard and I'm sorry. I just wanted to talk to you. Can we meet somewhere? I have something for you.
"If it's another broken heart, I don't want it." She thought to herself "This one, I'm still trying to glue back together".
~No tricks, just talk
~"Please, God. Let her say yes." he pleaded silently~
A long drawn out silence followed
Where? She finally said and an audible sigh of relief came from the
other side of the phone.
~At the coffee shop where we used to go at around 8:00 p.m.?
I'll call you when I'm on the way.
Okay, tell me. Is this something you all would consider reading if I finished the damn thing? :-) Just send me a message and let me know. Maybe you have some suggestions....yeah...Gotta go! I'm being called to dinner.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
*sigh* empath overdrive
I got a surprise call from an old friend. Unfortunately I missed the call, but I probably wouldn't have been able to talk from the shock of receiving it in the first place. Lot's of stuff (that I won't ellaborate on at this moment) has happened since the beginning of the year. Some good, some really bad...this is part of the good, but mostly the really bad. Sorry...I know I'm being vague. It's how I know to control the hurt. So, yeah...NOW I on the edge of wanting to hear from said "friend" again or wishing they wouldn't call (yeah, right! That's just me lying to myself). Stupid...of course I want to hear from them just to clear the air and get a freaking apology and do some apologizing of my own. Heh...I felt weird for a while now. Guess now I know why. And I thought I was just stressing about having Marlene (frameshop coordinator) at my shop all week! I don't know why I ignore my instincts sometimes! *SIGH* On second thought, scratch that. It's another selfpreservation thing...I won't lie. Great...It's gonna be a WONDERFUL day! Ugh! Can I please crawl under a rock somewhere, please?! Let's not do the day and say we did! Okay, okay...I'm going. Maybe work won't be so bad. Pray for me?
ghosts
there's been a ringing
a constant ringing in my head
someone's been whispering
stop thinking my name
I know you're here
knew you were coming
before you said a thing
because I heard you
you were in my head
the mind can forget,
the heart can forgive
but the body will
always remember
always
I'm on that edge again
stuck in time in one place
where memories collide
with the present
and I realize
You will NEVER be gone
we're holding on too tightly
a constant ringing in my head
someone's been whispering
stop thinking my name
I know you're here
knew you were coming
before you said a thing
because I heard you
you were in my head
the mind can forget,
the heart can forgive
but the body will
always remember
always
I'm on that edge again
stuck in time in one place
where memories collide
with the present
and I realize
You will NEVER be gone
we're holding on too tightly
Monday, September 11, 2006
cross post
*sigh* Ahh...Sade....
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Writing and Poetry
"this may come, this may come as some surprise...but I miss you . I can see through all of your lies, but still I miss you...he takes her love, but it doesn't feel like mine...he tastes her kiss...her kisses aren't mine. They are not mine. He takes, but surely she can't give what I feeling now. She takes, but surely she doesn't know how...Is it a crime...is it a crime...that I still want you....and I want you to want me too...my love is wider...wider than Victoria Lake...my love is taller...taller than the Empire state and it dives and it jumps and it ripples like the deepest ocean...I can't give you more than that. Surely you want me back....Is it a crime...is it a crime...I still want you and I want you to want me too....my love is wider than Victoria lake Taller than the Empire state Dives...jumps...I can't give you more than that...Surely you want me back....is it a crime...is it a crime? That I still want you...and I want you to want me too....It dives jumps and it ripples like the deepest oceans...surely you want it back...tell me.....is it.....a....crime......"
I wish I'd have written this. The words...oh, the words....*sigh*...brings to surface so many deeply imbedded emotions. Strange what words can do.....
Words II
Words....such power
you bring forth the sting
of a love that builds
and breaks me
you move and shake me
words...lies or truths
power beyond comprehension
and I bow and bend
before you...for you
you are the strength
I hold...cling to...
within me
you mold and set me free....
*See?! I told you...I was able to let go for a while and write! Praise be to words!*
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Writing and Poetry
"this may come, this may come as some surprise...but I miss you . I can see through all of your lies, but still I miss you...he takes her love, but it doesn't feel like mine...he tastes her kiss...her kisses aren't mine. They are not mine. He takes, but surely she can't give what I feeling now. She takes, but surely she doesn't know how...Is it a crime...is it a crime...that I still want you....and I want you to want me too...my love is wider...wider than Victoria Lake...my love is taller...taller than the Empire state and it dives and it jumps and it ripples like the deepest ocean...I can't give you more than that. Surely you want me back....Is it a crime...is it a crime...I still want you and I want you to want me too....my love is wider than Victoria lake Taller than the Empire state Dives...jumps...I can't give you more than that...Surely you want me back....is it a crime...is it a crime? That I still want you...and I want you to want me too....It dives jumps and it ripples like the deepest oceans...surely you want it back...tell me.....is it.....a....crime......"
I wish I'd have written this. The words...oh, the words....*sigh*...brings to surface so many deeply imbedded emotions. Strange what words can do.....
Words II
Words....such power
you bring forth the sting
of a love that builds
and breaks me
you move and shake me
words...lies or truths
power beyond comprehension
and I bow and bend
before you...for you
you are the strength
I hold...cling to...
within me
you mold and set me free....
*See?! I told you...I was able to let go for a while and write! Praise be to words!*
Monday, September 04, 2006
Words
Take these words
and mold them 'neath
the heat
of your wandering hands
I give them to you
like a lover gives
of herself
take me
Press them to your lips
and whisper softly
so they fall unfettered
upon the sunwarmed skin
of my shoulder
And I
will gather them up
and cradle them against
my heart
and mold them 'neath
the heat
of your wandering hands
I give them to you
like a lover gives
of herself
take me
Press them to your lips
and whisper softly
so they fall unfettered
upon the sunwarmed skin
of my shoulder
And I
will gather them up
and cradle them against
my heart
Sunday, September 03, 2006
confused
*sigh* It's been one of those days that challenge one physically, mentally and emotionally. I feel extremely sensitive and a little sad. I've run into so many people and made such wonderful friends and then I find something out that just disturbed me and made me feel betrayed, actually. To those who've known me for a while, or have read me for a while, do I come off as someone ingenuine? Have I ever given the impression of being unreal or a person with their own agenda? I know that there are those out there who have been hurt because they were too trusting. I happen to be one of those people, but that has never changed the fact that I still trust. I'm just a little more cautious. Does that make sense? I mean, when people are kind to me or ask me a favor, I don't automatically assume they're trying to make money off of me or hurt me in any way or that I'm going to be used. At least I don't think I do. Geez.
I should probably just forget about it, but the person who doubted me, I consider a very close friend. Perhaps it was just while they were in the thick of drama that they mistrusted? I just don't know. Regardless, I just have to keep believing and hoping in the greater good of the world. Otherwise, I'll end up to be a haggard old hermit without any friends or real connections. I just can't see myself that way. You know...I'll just say my little prayers and everything will be fine. I know it will.
Breathe and let go.......
I should probably just forget about it, but the person who doubted me, I consider a very close friend. Perhaps it was just while they were in the thick of drama that they mistrusted? I just don't know. Regardless, I just have to keep believing and hoping in the greater good of the world. Otherwise, I'll end up to be a haggard old hermit without any friends or real connections. I just can't see myself that way. You know...I'll just say my little prayers and everything will be fine. I know it will.
Breathe and let go.......
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