broken

he sits on an electric chair

a deadman on his throne

he smiles through blackened, broken teeth

surrounded but alone

and as he shares epiphanies

the crowd just sits and stares

he's just a fool in an electric chair

and no one really cares



broken, broken, broken down

a deadman sitting on his throne

electrodes for a crown

and when he shares epiphanies

they all just sit and stare

'cause he's been broken, broken, broken down

and no one really cares



The angels tried to take him home before

he rasped a laugh and told them

they were crazy

for this is where he longed to stay

a king to many men today

but little did he know that was his chance to live



Now, he's just a fool in his electric chair

a deadman on his throne

he smiles through blackened, broken teeth

surrounded, but he's totally alone

He's been broken, broken

down

sick as a dog.

Remember when I mentioned change and how it tends to kick my ass? Well, I spent 2 1/2 hours in the emergency room in severe pain and uncontrollable shivers on Sunday. They blew a vein in my arm trying to put the I.V. in, but the spot that was inserted properly on my hand is more bruised than my arm!! They did a renal CT scan on me and did blood work, urine... the works. Anyway, after all that, they administered a really strong antibiotic. It turns out I have, not only a urninary tract infection, but I also have a kidney infection. They cave me ibuprofen 600 for pain and swelling, vicodeine for pain (coz I was IN PAIN!!) and the antibiotic cyprosil. So, needless to say, I didn't go into work yesterday after getting home after 1:00 a.m.! ogm...and it's only the second week of my new job! ugh.

So, one would think that after 24 hours of having an antibiotic in your system, one that was supposedly REALLY strong, and a day of rest, one would begin to feel better, right?? That's if one is normal. Apparently, I'm not. My fever came back, the chills nearly chattered my teeth right out the pain in my hands and knees brought me to tears and VOMITTING came into play! I ended up going to my own doctor again today, coz I new they missed something. Guess what that something was? You will not freaking believe me when I tell you, I guarantee it!!! You ready for it??............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................I have freaking STREP THROAT ON TOP OF ALL THIS OTHER SHIT!!!! But at least my doctor got the antibiotic right. I've only taken on dose and I feel a difference already. Oh, yeah, and I failed to mention that the emergency room doctor didn't tell me I have two small kidney stones in my right kidney. wtf....that explains the pain shooting down my leg. Geez....I suppose if you gotta do something, you gotta do it right. DAMN STRAIGHT in my case. *sigh* keep me in your prayers.

pain

sometimes, like this moment, i wish I could sleep and never wake up from my dreams. I wish that the earth would stop revolving and the sun would never rise or set again. Sometimes I wish that I'd been born immuned to love, to happiness, to hope, to fear, to sadness. I wish I was cold and unfeeling or just plain shallow and uncaring. As much as I know that Juan and I are doing the right thing by letting each other go, it fucking hurts damnit. It hurts. Some people are lucky and they never know the feeling of their heart being ripped out of their chest and burned in a funeral pyre. I'm raw and exposed. I feel like I've been turned inside out and there is no one that can fix me.

FIX ME GOD. MAKE ME CAPABLE OF BEING HAPPY AND LOVING AGAIN. PLEASE....OH, PLEASE.....please....





if I could empty all my sorrows
into oceans
and swim within the streams
swathed in amber sunsets

if only I could scream my pain
and leave it all behind
I'd live again
assured and knowing that
I'd love

if I could separate the rainbow
from the sky
and scatter all the color
into pieces

I'd gladly tear the promise
into nothingness
so pain will let me go
and I could love again.

So much to update...here's the deal

this is what's been happening in my neck of the woods. MAKE IT STOP!! LOL I've been posting, but mostly on Myspace...I know, I know...bad Mary, but I'm making up for it. Here goes!



Saying good-bye


Tomorrow marks the last page in another chapter of my life. I'll be saying good-bye to some really wonderful people who became my extended family very quickly. Strange, really...it doesn't feel like a year and a half has passed. It happened so quickly, but definitely not quietly. Today was a day filled with drama at the workplace. All I can say is, "thank goodness I'm leaving"!! Geez. Too much drama going on all the way around. I'm very tired, yet I can't seem to close my eyes.

I'm closing another chapter in my personal life too. Packing and moving again, but, this time, into my own place. I' kind of scared, but at the same time, I know everything will be fine. I have so much to do and only three days to do it all. Ugh...my head is spinning just thinking about it. *sigh* I better get to bed. It's late and tomorrow IS my last day. I'm moving out of my comfort zone in so many ways. I have so much paperwork to do tomorrow. Ah, well...good night, all.





03 Apr 2007

halo

Current mood: feeling


my heart lies weary

worn and aching

so much time has passed

happiness and hurts

yet

I still refer to us as "we"

even if "we" are just

"you" or "me"



It looks like rain

as I stare at the great,

full moon

a misty haze that covers

all I see

a halo 'round her aura

perhaps

it's just a ring I see

behind my tears





the china cabinet
Current mood: changing....

she took the dishes out of the cabinet carefully, one by one. with each piece of the floral china she remembered dates, events and times that came and went with every piece she wrapped and placed into the box. there is so much history entangled within the delicate flowers of each plate; each bowl; each cup and saucer and, as she lifted the last set out of the cabinet, she remembered that a bowl was missing making the china just short of perfection, but what a perfect imperfection it was.....




29 Mar 2007

strange....
Current mood: damn good


My last day at Tall Mouse is April 5th. It happened so fast that my head is spinning. At least I get a 3 day weekend before I start my new job. DAMN!!! I can't wait for the new challenges that await me!! I'm a bit sad though, coz everyone at the store has been so wonderful and have just been so saddened that I'm leaving, but are happy for me at the same time. They have no clue how hard it was for me. They became my extended family...however, I AM MOVING FORWARD AND FEEL PRETTY FREAKIN' GOOD. Pray that this feeling stays long lasting.

Now....if I could just get back into my writing. Oh, yeah...one more thing...I'm going back to school. I'm bound and determind to get my BS in sales and marketing. I may as well do what I'm good at right?! I'm going to get my degree in finearts too. NO, I'm not crazy...just determind