The cloud has been lifted...sort of

this is new...tell me what you think



if you wish it
1/31/07


in the darkest of eves
there is clarity....

I am a wraith
transparent and in limbo
shifting forms
from shadow to light

hear the whispers
in the droplets
of the sacred night

that fall upon the lids
of your resting eyes

feel me free-fall
into winter
as your lips taste the waters
of my nothing-but-everything

you shall see me

if you wish it....

PROMISE OF LIGHT

www.promisoflight.org

enlighten yourself.....

I've been neglecting my poor blog....

Actually, I've been really sick too, but I'm much better now. My writing has really suffered. I'm on complete overload and it sucks. There is so much that I should write about, but I can't...not just yet, anyway. So, what I will do is post a couple of things I've written. Enjoy...



Sentido
1/24/07

I've been away for much too long

there a cobwebs in the corners
of my mind

and, in so, I've been feeling guilty
for the passage of time

estoy sentido
simplemente, y lo siento

The floorboards creak as I walk
into this dusty, covered room

the candles are cold, deformed
puddles on a mantle
without a hearth

a heart without a home

los fotos en mi menteme escapa

there is no moon here

just echoes and the ashes
of a long-dead pyre

and I listen for the shuffle
of your feet and the tapping
of my heals

as when we danced
so long ago
in the back room

of my mind





*untitled*
1/30/07
it's just a pittance, really
I don't ask for much-

my hand nestled in yours
your heart bound to mine

I'd dance at your feet
and stare into your molten eyes
and you'd know...
you'd know

I'd never wanted much

I am but a firefly
within a jar-shining brightly

illuminating

the darkest recesses
of your troubled

soul

And, this is....revised

I tripped on roots
on life

They rose
and grasped my ankles
like a vice

I can't shake it

As I fell
a cloud of self-delusions
covered me

So blind, I am
to what is in my face

I cannot form the words

too deep,
the canyon grows

And, I, within a wished-for
drunken stupor,
lie drowning

in an oceanic world
I dare not call
my "own"

not an easy task

a crosspost from my "myspace" page

finally...a chance to write
Current mood: muddled


It's been a battle for the computer for the past few weeks...err, months, that is. It's a drag trying to use it when there are three students in the house. *sigh*

I'm out of practice. My mind is a muddled mess of...of....LIFE!!! I can't even begin to tell you how bent my thoughts are. Purging hasn't helped much. The urge to run away is great again. Sheesh...when will I learn? I'm in great need of some me time. Some time in February should be good, I think. I need to curl into myself and find that poetic voice again. It somehow got lost in the mish-mosh of trying to keep up with the earth's rotation or something or another.





I tripped on that root
called life
It rose from the ground
and grasped my ankle
like a vice
and I can't shake it

As I fell
a cloud of self-dillusions
covered me
So blind, I am
to what is in my face

I cannot form the words
too deep,
the canyon grows
And, I, within a wished-for
drunken stupor
lie drowning

in a world
I dare not call
my "own"


Well...that was not so pretty, but it's a start. This is freakin' pathetic! I can't concentrate long enough to tie my shoe let alone finish something worthwhile. Shit...someone kick me in the head already. At least then I'd have an excuse. Grr.....I'm going to try again.

January 7th!!

omg...how the hell did this happen so quickly? I have so much on my mind that I haven't been able to break any of it into words. It's a bit frustrating. Let me first tell you of my last week of '06. IT WAS HELL!! Hmm...I guess I can do this best by listing all that has happened

1. WORK WAS BUSY AS HELL-WORKED ON XMAS EVE
2. I HAD TO PAY ALMOST $300 FOR MIKE'S FIRST SEMESTER TUITION
3. FOUND OUT HUBBY'S BEING LAYED-OFF END OF THIS MONTH
4. FOUND OUT THAT OUR CAR INSURANCE IS GOING TO DOUBLE BECAUSE MIKE NOW DRIVES
5. CUT MYSELF AT WORK (WHICH REQUIRED A VISIT TO URGENT CARE, A 1 1/2 HOUR WAIT FOR THE DOCTOR-NO STITCHES, THANKFULLY,-AND...AND A TETANUS SHOT!!! (FREAKING SHOT HURT MORE THAN THE DAMN CUT!!)
6. SEVERE WRITERS BLOCK (HAVEN'T WRITTEN ANYTHING NEW IN ALMOST TWO MONTHS)
7. WENT TO 29CLUB AND CASINO IN PALM SPRINGS...DIDN'T WIN JACK!
8. BEEN GOING TO THE GYM EVERYOTHER DAY (heh-something positive)
9. FOUND OUT THAT MY ANNUAL REVIEW WAS GOING TO BE TOUGH BECAUSE I'M ONE OF THE "HIGHER" PAID MANAGERS. (SO, WHY THE FUCK DO I WORK SO DAMN HARD, EXACTLY?)MY RAISE IS NOW IN QUESTION....
10. FOUND OUT FROM DEAR JAMES THAT A FEW OF MY PIECES MADE IT INTO "FLOWERS AND VORTEXES" (thank you)


New List....
1. WORKED ON NEW YEARS DAY (AFTER STAYING UP TOO LATE AND HAVING WAAAAAAYY TOO MUCH TO DRINK) Can you say fish out of water? lol
2. JUST FOUND OUT THAT GETTING INSURANCE FOR THE FAMILY THROUGH MY COMPANY WILL BE RELIEVING ME OF MORE THAN A THIRD OF MY PAYCHECK EVERY TWO WEEKS!!! OMFG!
3. GOT THE WRIST RECHECKED...THANKFULLY, NO PERMANENT NERVE DAMAGE, BUT FOUND OUT I'D BRUISED MY BONE SO I'M GOING TO BE FEELING TENDERNESS IN THAT AREA ANYWHERE FROM 3-6 MONTHS (OH, JOY!)
4. STILL GOING TO THE GYM, BUT ONLY TILL VALENTINES DAY COZ 24 HOUR FITNESS ARE A BUNCH OF FATHEADS AND REFUSED TO LET MY HUBBY PAY THE FEES ON HIS OWN TERMS. STUPID ASSES LOST ALMOST TWO GRANDE! WHATEVER!
5. STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN MY REVIEW-MAY NEED TO START LOOKING INTO ANOTHER JOB
6. WORK IS STILL AS BUSY AS EVER(I know I'm doing something right, coz one of my regular customers came in yesterday and place a $400 order. Isn't the holiday season over already?)
7. OH!! I HAVE STREP THROAT.
8. I STILL HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO WRITE. *sigh* I have inclings, but nothing substantial yet. *tear*

KICK ME WHEN I'M FUCKING DOWN!!!



Ugh...maybe now that I've purged, I'll do better. I hate bitching. It does nothing for me, but make me feel ugly.

I'M GOING TO THE GYM!!!! I'll end this by saying all the shit happened already. THE REST OF THIS YEAR WILL BE MAGNIFICENT!!!!! (Right, Lord?) Yes....it will... :-)

sometimes

I wish I were not so much like the description below. Empathy can be so painful. *sigh*

I can't believe that we're already 5 days into 2007. I have so much to tell about the past 7 days. Wish I didn't have to go to work....be back later

God bless everyone. May this new year bring about wonderful changes for all.

....

You Are 2: The Helper

You always put on a happy face and try to help those around you. You're incredibly empathetic and care about everyone you know. Able to see the good in others, you're thoughtful, warm, and sincere. You connect with people who are charming and charismatic.

What Number Are You?

....

You Are 2: The Helper

You always put on a happy face and try to help those around you. You're incredibly empathetic and care about everyone you know. Able to see the good in others, you're thoughtful, warm, and sincere. You connect with people who are charming and charismatic.

What Number Are You?

Sometimes I wish this wasn't so. Empathy can hurt so much