The morning came too quickly
Once again
I’d been dreaming of you
all night long so, somehow
when you called, I wasn’t surprised
You knew I’d been thinking of you
You have a funny way
of making yourself known
just when I need you…so strange,
but I’m not complaining
It’s an electrical pulse that keeps us
connected
You are a million tiny tremors
that rocket through my body
every time we touch and clutch
the way we do in midst of heat
It’s so hard to wait for next time
I want to call out your name
While we’re wrapped around each other
in loves pagan embrace…
Until then, my dreams will have to do.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Sunday, July 15, 2007
a letter to love
Hi,
I know it's been a short time, but I can't help but feel like I've been forgotten. I know that it isn't so. You reveled so many different things to me, things you'd never said before, and in front of your life long friends-people you trust. Somehow, that night, you wedged yourself further into my heart. If you only knew how much I believe in you and how I'd give you my last living breath if it meant you would survive to remember me. I know I won't be hearing from you for a while. It's the norm...one that I've lived with for a while...but I still can't help but think about the word forever.
I'm yours. You know that. You're mine, even if you still can't voice the promise. But, you don't have to. You've proven it so many times. You keep coming back-falling into me for my strength-because you know I've never left. I AM the only one that has ever been there and accepted you for what and who you are. My strength and faith has become your strength and faith, I know this.
Would I let you take care of me? YES! YES! A THOUSAND TIMES YES! And, I would take care of you. Let go and let me in. I'll save you like you've saved me over and over again. Each and every breath we shared with each kiss was like being reborn. You said I taught you so much about yourself. I was just being myself with you. You've taught me something as well. You taught me how to believe in myself again. You have no idea how much I love and thank you for that. I will spend the rest of my life telling you, showing you, when it's time. Thank you for letting me be me.
My promise to you has always been true. I'd never leave. To disappear, to never see you again, would be like throwing my heart into a funeral pyre. I can't do it. I am incapable. You asked me for a son...(yes, love, I would give you one). I know you haven't forgotten...I don't think your friends will let you forget either. Hearing husband and wife come from their lips about us was strange yet felt entirely right. Soon...*sigh*...I just wish you weren't so far away. It's not time, I know. I know. Forever is a wonderful word...
I know it's been a short time, but I can't help but feel like I've been forgotten. I know that it isn't so. You reveled so many different things to me, things you'd never said before, and in front of your life long friends-people you trust. Somehow, that night, you wedged yourself further into my heart. If you only knew how much I believe in you and how I'd give you my last living breath if it meant you would survive to remember me. I know I won't be hearing from you for a while. It's the norm...one that I've lived with for a while...but I still can't help but think about the word forever.
I'm yours. You know that. You're mine, even if you still can't voice the promise. But, you don't have to. You've proven it so many times. You keep coming back-falling into me for my strength-because you know I've never left. I AM the only one that has ever been there and accepted you for what and who you are. My strength and faith has become your strength and faith, I know this.
Would I let you take care of me? YES! YES! A THOUSAND TIMES YES! And, I would take care of you. Let go and let me in. I'll save you like you've saved me over and over again. Each and every breath we shared with each kiss was like being reborn. You said I taught you so much about yourself. I was just being myself with you. You've taught me something as well. You taught me how to believe in myself again. You have no idea how much I love and thank you for that. I will spend the rest of my life telling you, showing you, when it's time. Thank you for letting me be me.
My promise to you has always been true. I'd never leave. To disappear, to never see you again, would be like throwing my heart into a funeral pyre. I can't do it. I am incapable. You asked me for a son...(yes, love, I would give you one). I know you haven't forgotten...I don't think your friends will let you forget either. Hearing husband and wife come from their lips about us was strange yet felt entirely right. Soon...*sigh*...I just wish you weren't so far away. It's not time, I know. I know. Forever is a wonderful word...
Saturday, July 14, 2007
oh hell
everytime I think I'm moving forward and I'll be okay, reality comes crashing down around me and I remember my history of 21 years. Why won't it just fucking go away? I just want to be able to let go and be completely happy again. Even knowing that I am loved just doesn't take all the pain away...at least not yet. I guess it's because I don't have that someone to lean on. I need that pillar of strength right now. Just for a little bit. Please Lord...help me. Strengthen me...
I have to get out of this house for a little while. I can't stay here. I've been alone all day and it was fine for a little while. It isn't anymore. Pray for my renewed strength, please....
I have to get out of this house for a little while. I can't stay here. I've been alone all day and it was fine for a little while. It isn't anymore. Pray for my renewed strength, please....
Thursday, July 12, 2007
rollercoaster ride
*sigh* oh, how my heart skips a beat
I'm spinning, turning upside-down
on this rollercoaster world
love can do such funny things
I'm dizzy....oh, so dizzy
but I don't want to jump off
My fingers are tired
I cling so tightly
but they're locked into place
you cling just as tightly
We spoke of love
even spoke of forever
but there was never any time
Now...time is all we have
eternity sounds beautiful with you
the dragonflies are dancing again
they've filled my belly
like the flutters of a growning child
your child......our boy
come home and we will spin
away together on this rollercoaster ride
called love
*It's amazing what one can learn in such a short time. I got back from Atlanta last Tuesday. My muse visited me....drove all the way up from Miami to spend some time. We spoke of things we'd spoken of before and so much more. How is it my world can be turned so upsidedown then suddenly right itself so quickly. I'd always known love. I'd always known passion, but this....this is what I could have imagined and so much more. He's always held a special place in my heart and I have my place in his, but I didn't know just how large as space I'd occupied until last Saturday. I have and feel so much love and all of it was given back to me on that night. Love...the future...forever...it was spoken clearly and with witnesses...*sigh*....How I wish I could have taken his offer to stay...to go back with him...but, the time is not right....not just yet. I suppose we have to wait just a little longer. How I wish I could share how many times the words "I love you" were spoken in just 10 minutes. My heart was broken and rebuilt a thousand times in just one night. And...if I had to...I would breathe my very last breath into him so that he might live and know I loved him that much.*
To my muse...we wished for and waited...our time is almost here. That shining star...our little man...will be with us when it's time. Remember...we are as one...
I'm spinning, turning upside-down
on this rollercoaster world
love can do such funny things
I'm dizzy....oh, so dizzy
but I don't want to jump off
My fingers are tired
I cling so tightly
but they're locked into place
you cling just as tightly
We spoke of love
even spoke of forever
but there was never any time
Now...time is all we have
eternity sounds beautiful with you
the dragonflies are dancing again
they've filled my belly
like the flutters of a growning child
your child......our boy
come home and we will spin
away together on this rollercoaster ride
called love
*It's amazing what one can learn in such a short time. I got back from Atlanta last Tuesday. My muse visited me....drove all the way up from Miami to spend some time. We spoke of things we'd spoken of before and so much more. How is it my world can be turned so upsidedown then suddenly right itself so quickly. I'd always known love. I'd always known passion, but this....this is what I could have imagined and so much more. He's always held a special place in my heart and I have my place in his, but I didn't know just how large as space I'd occupied until last Saturday. I have and feel so much love and all of it was given back to me on that night. Love...the future...forever...it was spoken clearly and with witnesses...*sigh*....How I wish I could have taken his offer to stay...to go back with him...but, the time is not right....not just yet. I suppose we have to wait just a little longer. How I wish I could share how many times the words "I love you" were spoken in just 10 minutes. My heart was broken and rebuilt a thousand times in just one night. And...if I had to...I would breathe my very last breath into him so that he might live and know I loved him that much.*
To my muse...we wished for and waited...our time is almost here. That shining star...our little man...will be with us when it's time. Remember...we are as one...
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